Between these two albums, news of My Chemical Romance’s hiatus, and whatever the hell Panic! At the Disco is coming up with, 2013’s shaping up to be a weird banner year for a scene that’s last gasp was Paramore’s 2009 album brand new eyes. Paramore and Save Rock and Roll feel connected not just because of their genres, but because I don’t think anyone planned on hearing more from them. In Fall Out Boy’s case, it was simple enough: the band announced an indefinite hiatus in 2009 with nebulous plans to come back someday. It’s a little more complicated with Paramore, who lost two essential members (lead guitarist Josh Farro and drummer Zac Farro), but has continued on as a trio.
The brothers’ departure was a blessing in disguise. Paramore’s always frustrated me because they could be better than they actually were; each of their albums had about three to five flat out great tracks loaded down with power pop filler. From All We Know Is Falling to brand new eyes, they mostly kept the same “big guitars and big drums” sound that could be great or stale.
With the Farro brothers gone, Paramore was free to become a studio band that could follow any particular idea they wanted, and Paramore is far and away their best record for doing just that. They haven’t abandoned their old identity–the band that made “Ignorance” and “Misery Business” was capable of new songs like lead single “Now”, with its droning guitar and erratic drums, and the strong hooks are as present as ever, but Paramore finally explores the full abilities of its members. “Daydreaming” tiptoes lush dream pop territory with its shimmering guitars, whereas “Part II” is an alt. rock workout, and the band becomes straight up New Wave on poppy single “Still Into You”.
Of course, Hayley Williams’ vocals are still the band’s greatest strength, and she leads Paramore through its best moments–the triumph of “Last Hope”, the utter wail on the bridge of “Still Into You”, “Aint It Fun”‘s soul-pop and gospel choir ending, and the Metric-esque stomp of opener “Fast In My Car”, to name a few. The lyrics to Paramore touch on the Farro’s departure throughout; there are plenty of references to hard days, moving on, and the “Anklebiters”, as it were, but no song handles the subject like “Fast In My Car”, which comes out as a mission statement (“The three of us were initiates, we had to learn how to deal”, “We’re driving fast in my car/We’ve got our riot gear on, but we just want to have fun”).
The only fault on Paramore is that it could easily be cut down from its 17 songs (3 of which are ukulele+vocals interludes) at 1 hour runtime. “Be Alone”, “Proof”, and “Future” all feel clunky or redundant, but it’s an otherwise excellent rebound genre-buster of an album that shows a band succeeding at changing their sound.
Fall Out Boy arrive at Save Rock and Roll with the opposite problem: here’s a band that’s changed their sound so that they barely sound like themselves anymore. While Paramore were rushing out of the Warped Tour ghetto with “Misery Business”, Fall Out Boy were starting the “Soulful and metacommentary-heavy lead single, Jay-Z opening our record, and songs led by strings” phase of their career. Folie a Deux continued the experimental path, and now Save Rock and Roll puts more distance between FOB and their pop-punk rise than ever before. That’s not a good thing.
Save Rock and Roll carries all of the worst marks of a reunion album. The top-dollar production is too smooth and slick for its own good, it’s knowingly self-important, and outside of two, maybe three flashes of inspiration, it feels minor. It was made in the knowledge that it’d be backed by an arena tour that would sell out in days, one where new songs like “Young Volcanoes” and “The Mighty Fall” exist as piss breaks for fans between “Sugar, We’re Going Down” and “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs”.
The album starts with a fantastic one-two punch. “The Phoenix”, possibly the most obvious name for the first song on a reunion album, roars to life with strings, crunching guitars, and more than a hint of desperation. Patrick Stump’s opening command of “Put on your war paint!” has some actual bite to it, and his vocals cement the song’s status as a keeper. Next tune, “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light’Em Up)” has been a year-long hit off of the arena-ready beat, sheer swagger, and killer hook of “I’m on FI-YAAH!”
But while Paramore started with the “We’re back” acknowledgement and lead single and continued the quality, Save Rock and Roll becomes pretty tepid pretty quickly. The bulk of the album blends rock, hip-hop, R&B, and pop together, but it never coalesces into anything but passingly catchy songs that aren’t tangible enough to revisit. If I wanted to hear Fall Out Boy with post-punk synths, “Miss Missing You” isn’t going to suddenly come to mind, nor will “Death Valley” crop up if I want to hear FOB with a vaguely dubstep bridge. The closing title track with Elton John makes for a nice “Sounds like something you’d hear Elton John on” ballad, and maybe “Alone Together” or “Just One Yesterday” will scratch a modern pop rock itch for someone, but it’s not enough to redeem this much muck. The only album-long redeeming quality is Patrick Stump’s vocals; he’s always been good, but he walks away from SRaR as the winner by a long shot. Fall Out Boy’s never been called “boring” before, but I can’t describe something as inorganic and generic as SRaR as anything but.
So, while Save Rock and Roll and Paramore both exist somewhat in the same space–an emo group led by a big-voiced lead singer reforms/reunites to put out a poppier and different sounding product–the intentions behind them are a contrast. Paramore pushes boundaries and doubles down on the band’s reach, whereas Save Rock and Roll picks up where the group left off without daring them to be anything more. Fall Out Boy know that they’re a brand, Paramore realize there’s more to them than they thought.
tl;dr: Paramore – Paramore: 4.5/5 Fall Out Boy – Save Rock and Roll: 2/5
Doing a little bit of catch up today on some miscellaneous albums I’ve meant to review for the last few months.
Tegan and Sara – Heartthrob
I only somewhat follow Tegan and Sara, so I can imagine how the diehards took it when they heard supercharged lead single “Closer” for the first time. With Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara jump head first into an electropop sound that puts the emphasis firmly on the “pop” side of things. But the choice to go for broke on pop gave Tegan and Sara direction, and they used that focus to make an album loaded with killer pop songs.
Heartthrob finds success in seeing that going mainstream doesn’t mean dumbing anything down. Underneath the “ten pop songs about love” premise, Heartthrob is a whip smart record from its crisp and powerful production to its ridiculously catchy hooks to its deft lyrics. This dedication makes the record a little singular, but it’s a small price for quality like this. There are euphoric rushes like “Closer” and “Drove Me Wild”, and ballads like “I Was a Fool” and the endearing “Love They Say” with few discernable slow spots. Heartthrob finds ways to connect with romances good, bad, and universal, all while being an absolute thrill to listen to. 4/5.
The Wonder Years – The Greatest Generation 2 years after breakthough Suburbia, I’ve Given You All And Now I’m Nothing, pop-punk juggernaut The Wonder Years come out swinging harder and better on The Greatest Generation. Part of what makes The Wonder Years such a success with their audience has been their ability to mature with their fans; Suburbia hit on exploring your environment and figuring out where you fit, while TGG feels a little more figured out, but desperately searching for that stability that implies you made the right choices (“We Could Die Like This” takes the refrain of “Operator, take me home/I don’t know where else to go/I wanna die in the suburbs”; suddenly that monotony and safety sounds inviting).
The personal stakes in The Wonder Years’ songwriting is only sharpened by Soupy Campbell’s passionate delivery and the band’s go-for-broke instrumentation that’s surprisingly refined for how much raw energy it has (just check out how much is going on behind the monster hook in “Teenage Parents”). The lyrics are also anthemic, introspective, and powerful even if they’re just being read; this is the kind of music you hear, and instantly connect to. Every 20something laments that they don’t know what they’re doing with their life, and while The Greatest Generation doesn’t provide immediate it answers, it inspires the listener to go find them. 4.5/5.
Jay-Z – Magna Carta…Holy Grail Magna Carta…Holy Grail might as well be a double album with Yeezus based on how often the two are compared to each other. Legendary hip-hop producer Rick Rubin made the comparison explicit, saying that whereas Yeezus was “challenging and progressive”, Magna Carta…Holy Grail is “a more traditional hip-hop record”. Numerous publications have played this up as a burn, but it’s more common sense than anything else. As of MCHG, Jay-Z’s an institution, and MCHG is this year’s product: polished, sleek, and made with the most expensive parts on the market. There are fewer crossover attempts here than The Blueprint 3; this album plays fairly close to genre, where Jay-Z explores a few more personal topics in addition to his normal (but still entertaining) boasts.
Magna Carta…Holy Grail is nowhere near Jay-Z’s best work, but the level of quality to it is great for replays. It’s an entertaining album that’s consistently good and intermittently great, but rarely mediocre. Most tracks will be entertaining from a production standpoint or Jay will go above and beyond in writing, and sometimes you get both. Coming up “neither” also happens, as the album loses itself a bit past the excellent “Part II”, and the album feels a bit safe altogether, but Magna Cart…Holy Grail is an enjoyable listen by an artist whose expected sell-by date is nearly a decade old itself. 3/5.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Mosquito
Everyone, including the band itself, is amazed Yeah Yeah Yeahs are still around some ten years after Fever to Tell. But, as the rest of the garage-rock buzz bands have imploded, here they are, and a damn sight better than The Strokes. But, like The Strokes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs are staring their age in the face: they weren’t supposed to make it this far. They’d even successfully reinvented their sound. Twice.
Mosquito, then, is the band’s “anything goes” album, focusing on low-fi aesthetics and songs born of spontaneity. For a band that hit “a low” during pre-recording, it’s a common strategy, albeit one with scattershot results. The band’s willfulness to follow their impulses results in delightful surprises like the gospel choir on lead single and all around great YYYs tune “Sacrilege”, or the murky tension of “Subway” (which samples an honest to God subway car for a beat), but the album doesn’t take full advantage of its ideas. Rather, it presents the idea, fiddles with it for awhile, and never develops beyond a particular groove, and so the potential to songs like “Under the Earth” and “These Paths” gets squandered. The end result is an album with some career highlights, but little incentive to listen to as a whole. 3/5.
Hello, and welcome to Radio Rants. Let’s get our summer jam going.
This cover art didn’t do anything with blurred lines. I can respect that.
Even in a year of left-field success stories, “Blurred Lines” has one of the year’s biggest “Wait, what?” line-ups. All three of these guys have been around for at least ten years a piece, but never striking gold. T.I.’s had a few hits before, mostly with bigger names like Justin Timberlake and Rihanna, but he’s not a name you expect on the pop charts. Pharrell’s been a limelight guy best known as half of production/writing team The Neptunes, who have done at least one of your favorite songs. Meanwhile, Robin Thicke’s spent most of his career banished to the plushy hell of adult contemporary R&B, with AllMusic describing his last album as “gunning for a Vegas residency”; the most damning backhanded compliment I’ve heard in months.
So, these three guys all went in on the lead-off single from Thicke’s upcoming album of the same name. Even with his old-school R&B obsession and Marvin Gaye fanboy status, Thicke’s been aiming for younger audiences with his last few albums, and the pop-funk groove of “Blurred Lines” is certainly the most radio friendly he’s ever been.
It also fits the retro “classy pop” trend of this year. “Suit & Tie” shows this style off the best; the focus is on grace and taste (including avoiding obvious synths). It’s a smoother, more refined and almost classicist sound that’s also seen on this summer’s other big hit, “Get Lucky”. I’d consider it a coincidence, but now with “Blurred Lines” in the mix, and even trendchasers like Chris Brown hoping on it, I feel like it’s more of a thing now. Then again, Macklemore’s the other big influence this year, so I could be horribly wrong.
Anyway, the unarguable best thing about “Blurred Lines” is Pharrell’s pop-bass production.As a dance jam, “Blurred Lines” sounds like it could go for days. In a GQ interview, Thicke said he had the idea to do something like (who else but) Marvin Gaye’s “Got To Give It Up”. After hearing “Got To Give It Up”, um, I’m not sure he should have brought it up because…damn. It doesn’t necessarily ruin the beat to “Blurred Lines”, but the two are similar enough that it might as well be a sample. Can someone do a mash-up?
T.I. does a nice verse, and Thicke makes full use of his range throughout the song, but the big talking point, and possible dealbreaker, is the lyrics. Plenty of fantastic songs boil down to “Let’s fuck”, but the lyrics to “Blurred Lines” are so dumb that a Google search for them should come with a message saying, “Ok, s’your brain cells…”.
“If you can’t hear what I’m trying to say/If you can’t read from the same page/Maybe I’m going deaf/Maybe I’m going blind/Maybe I’m going out of my mind” …because…?
“Ok, now, he was close, tried to domesticate you” Screw wherever that first verse was going, here’s the next line. Also, if you’re trying to seduce a woman at the club, is “domesticate” really on the list of words you want to use?
“But you’re an animal, it’s in your nature” Robin, you just called her a pet.
“Just let me liberate you/You don’t need no papers” Someone please tell me that there’s some ridiculous excuse for line like you need a fashion expert’s written approval to get in the club, and she’s so good looking that she can skip that step, because I don’t want to invoke Godwin’s Law in a Radio Rant.
“I feel so lucky/You wanna hug me/What rhymes with ‘hug me’?” Shit, I dunno. “Mug me”? With a song this creepy, “drug me” wouldn’t be wholly out of the question. Is it pug me?
Woof woof woof!
Johnny Bravo wouldn’t write shit this tacky during a dry spell. Half these lyrics sound like Thicke’s singing them while pointing to his dick while nodding and smiling. He’s said in interviews that apparently “Blurred Lines” is supposed to make fun of itself: it’s a big, brash song based on old guys yelling “Hey girl!” at women from their porches, with the joke being that Pharrell, T.I., and himself are committed family men. None of that reads in the song, though; it never turns the catcalling/street harassment on its head, and doesn’t show up as anything but an exceptionally dumb but catchy song.
I’ve had worse songs come through Radio Rants, but “Blurred Lines” gets really obnoxious really quickly. If you don’t look or think too hard on it, it’s a fun song, but coming with as much baggage as it does, it’s just a nice alternative to hearing “Get Lucky” for the fourth time this hour.
Almost everyone remembers Kidz Bop, right? It’s a cash-in creation of the early 2000s when record labels could release whatever the hell they wanted from [teen artist here], charge $18.99 for it, and you’d blow a month’s allowance on that shit because Napster wasn’t a major thing yet. Anyway, they’re still churning out bastardized versions of the most recent pop hits (they’re currently on volume 23), and the entire back catalogue is available on Spotify, if you’re curious or spontaneously develop a self-loathing streak the size of a small country.
The only redeeming quality of the Kidz Bop Kids as they’re called is that they have to scrub all that filthy sex and touching out of the songs they sing. Not just the cursing, but anything that sounds dirty has to go. So how do they replace those dirty lyrics? Well…
8. Bruno Mars – It Will Rain (special mention)
The Original: In “Reason Number 16 Why Bruno Mars Is Probably Undateable”, colloquially known as Twilight soundtrack cash-in “It Will Rain”, Mars wails about how hard life would be if you leave him. It’s kind of a variation on “Grenade”, where the message was “I will die for you”; here it’s more “I’ll die without you”. Most of the lyrics are fairly standard mope affair: no clear skies, rain, parents hating you, the usual. But it all starts with the slightly questionable use of heavy narcotics.
The “Dirty” Lyrics:“If you ever leave me, baby/Leave some morphine at my door/Cause it will take a whole lot of medication/To realize what we used to have/We don’t have it anymore/There’s no religion that could save me/No matter how long my knees are on the floor”.
The Kidz Bop Lyrics:“If you ever leave me, baby/Leave our memories at my door/Cause it would take a whole lot of remembering/To realize what we used to have/We don’t have it anymore/There’s no decision that could save me/No matter how long my kneeds are on the floor”.
Now, here’s where it gets tricky. “It Will Rain” gets tagged with a special mention because I don’t think the Kidz Bop Kids made the original worse. If anything, it’s actually a more bearable edit. The “whole lot of remembering” could stand for a little rewording, but the memories/remembering/decisions bit genuinely sounds more understandable than Mars’ “I need to crowbar metaphors in this verse” method. Yes, I just called a Kidz Bop edit an improvement. But hey, blind squirrel, nut, all that.
7. Don’t Bore Us, Repeat the Chorus (You Don’t Need Verses, Do You?)
Out July 16th. Tracks include “Suit & Tie”, “I Love It”, and “Scream & Shout”.
The Originals: I don’t have the demographics of Kidz Bop’s largest audience, but if I had to guess, I’d imagine it’s upper middle-class, white, suburbanite parents that clip hand sanitizer to their kids’ shirts every time they leave their rooms. That level of cleanliness would explain some of the Kidz Bop edits, at least.
Of course, that whole “rewriting” thing can get tiresome, and these kids need their painful neutered Ke$ha now. If a song concentrates all its vileness on one verse, or one section of the song, why not just gut that fucker like a fish, slop the remaining one verse, three choruses, and a bridge with some kiddie vocals, and call it a day? Can you get away with that?
You totally can.
The Kidz Bop Lyrics: For example, “Tik Tok”, which would have been a gold mine of ass-pull edits, completely ignores the fact that the song has a second verse and just loops the chorus around an extra time. The most baffling of this particular type of edit is Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”, a LGBTQ anthem that completely removes any slight reference to homosexuality; even the “Don’t be a drag, just be a queen” refrain. Other songs that get this treatment include “California Gurls”, which also cut Snopp Dogg’s verse (although if that was for Snoop or the kids, we’ll never know). Which brings me to the second point here: Kidz Bop doesn’t believe in rap.
It will, when forced, include hip-hop and rap (we’ll get to those in a bit), but pop songs with rap verses get the rap cut in the blink of an eye. It can make sense with swear-heavy affairs like Wiz Khalifa on “Payphone”, but even innocuous tunes like “Crazy In Love”, “Umbrella” (sorry Jay-Z), and “Baby” are all rapless. And while I’m at it, the world really needed a more infantile version of “Baby”?
6. Jessie J – Domino
The Original: “Domino” is the biggest hit of British import that tried to happen Jessie J. It was enough of a hit that you probably heard it five times without realizing you did, because “Domino” doesn’t leave an impression like that. It’s kind of like musical lettuce, if Katy Perry-lite pop was chewable. Anyway, the only real talking point to the song’s vaguely disco sound is that it throws every simile it can at you.
The “Dirty” Lyrics: “I’m feeling sexy and free”, “You’re like a shot of pure gold”, “We can do this all night/Damn this love skin tight”, “Boom me like a bass drum”, “Dirty dancing in the moonlight/Take me down like I’m a domino”, “When we touch don’t ever let me go”, “You strum me like a guitar”.
The Kidz Bop Lyrics: “I’m feeling happy and free”, “You like a ton of pure gold”, “We can dance here all night/Turn this club up real tight“, “Feeling like your bass drum”, “Now we’re dancing in the moonlight/Knock me down like I’m a domino”, “When we dance don’t ever let me go”, “With crazy lights and guitars”
Kidz Bop can handle songs that swear every now and again rather smoothly; their take on “Fuck You” is no worse than Glee‘s (well, not especially worse). But suggestive lyrics? Then they have to scramble–no demanding, no touching, no sex. Other entries make the list for the quality of their edits, but “Domino” makes up for it in sheer quantity. I know it’s hard to get the proper size of the edits on paper, but every stanza besides the pre-chorus has at least two edits on it. These would almost be forgivable if they made any sense–what the hell does “Turn this club up real tight” even mean? Or why, for that matter, is “Knock me down” any less sensual than “Take me down”?
5. Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song
The Original: The bro-coustic “The Lazy Song” zig-zags the line between a cutesy chorus of someone taking a day off, and verses of a dudebro giving his dick a Yeezus-level holiday of its own. You could argue that it’s halfway to Kidz Bop territory itself, until you get to all the dick references. But hey, there’s one way to fix that!
The “Dirty” Lyrics:“I’m gonna wake up and stare at the fan/Turn the tv on, throw my hand in my pants“, “Cuz in my castle, I’m the freaking man”, “Tomorrow, I’ll wake up, and do some P90x/Meet a really nice girl, have some really nice sex/And she’s gonna scream out‘This is great'”, “I’ll just strut in my birthday suit/And let everything hang loose”
The Kidz Bop Lyrics: “I’m gonna wake up and stare at the fan/Turn the tv on, throw my hands in the air“, “Cuz in my castle, I’m the only man”, “Tomorrow I’ll wake up and do some P90x/Meet a really nice girl, send a really nice text/And she’s gonna write back ‘You’re so great'”, “I’ll just strut with nothing to do/And let everything fall through”
The first two edits are nothing noteworthy, but the “really nice text” is a keeper. Kidz Bop managed to keep the smarmy douche tone of the lyric, complete with “OMG, you’re so great” in the background, so it sounds less like this kid sent an honestly nice text, and more like he’s stringing her along for a booty call later. The edits at the bridge fall victim to a common Kidz Bop problem of sounding like they gave the performers the rewrites at the last possible second, so the kid has to sputter through an awkward change in one take.
Or they’re just disgusted at themselves for singing on a Kidz Bop track, either/or.
4. Cobra Starship ft. Sabi – You Make Me Feel
Cobra Starship started life as a Warped Tour gimmick around when Snakes on a Plane came out, but slowly took more of a pop sound as time went on because literally nothing dates a band like being a Snakes on a Plane gimmick. That pop direction culminated with crossover hit “Good Girls Go Bad”, and, in an attempt to replicate that song’s success, the band led their next album with “You Make Me Feel”. “YMMF” is damn near an innocent song: no swearing, no genitalia. So why’s it here? Well…
The “Dirty” Lyrics:“I’m known for taking what I think I deserve/And you’re overdue“, “Everything you wanted let me get up there/I’m the baddest baby in the atmosphere/Tell me what you want so we can do just what you like“, “Cause if you want a guy that knows what you need/Well, then I’m your man“, “You know I like it loud“
“I’m known taking over out on the floor/And I’m overdue“, “Everything you want so let me get up there/I’m the best dancer in the atmosphere/ Showme how you dance so we can move just how you like“, “Cause if you want a boy who knows how to dance/Well, then grab my hand“, “You know I sing it loud”
I know this one was never an especially big (or good) hit to begin with, but there are so many painfully clumsy, shoehorned lines here that the song tanks as a result. It’s like fucking up a Big Mac. “Dance” is an awkward word to drop all over the track; it has such a distinct sound that it always calls attention to itself, especially when wedged where it wasn’t originally. Replacing “I’ll be your man” with “Well then grab my hand” is a lose-lose because hand-holding just means hand holding, right?
It’s also funny to see Kidz Bop overedit like this, because they used to just sing the songs as they are. All the way on Kidz Bop 1, “All The Small Things” keeps the original “Late night, come home/Work sucks, I know” lyric, and a few editions later, “This Love” retained a line about fingertips and hips. Kidz Bop started back when the charts were, at least on the surface, much cleaner, and now that they aren’t, there’s a lot of overcompensating going on.
3. Shop Boyz – Party Like a Rockstar
The Original: But that isn’t to say that older songs didn’t get censored to hell and back, either. Revisiting “Party Like a Rockstar” for this list made me aware of two things: it marks the last time that “rockstar” was used as a major boast, and my own relief that 2007 is over so I never have to hear this song again. It’s a standard definition one-hit wonder: Shop Boyz have barely put anything out since “Party like a rock, party like a rock star” was everyone’s ringtone.
The “Dirty” Lyrics: “I’m on a money making mission/But I party like a rock star”, “You know them hoes be at my show”, “My ice make’em go down quick/Like the Titanic!”, “On the yacht with Marilyn Manson“, “With a skull belt and wallet chain”
The Kidz Bop Lyrics: [redacted], [nope], [not happening], “On the yacht, yeah, we relaxin“, “With a cool belt and wallet chain”
Let’s start with the obvious: The KB version lopped off an entire minute’s worth of verses. Not that the world’s deprived of hearing more Shop Boyz verses vaguely about doing rock star things, but if you’re going to cut a fourth of a song off, is it even worth it anymore? Virtually all that’s left of the song is a near infinite repeat of the “Party like a rock, party like a rock star” hook that sounds more and more like water torture than a song after two minutes.
Not helping is that even by KB standards, “Party Like a Rock Star” is fucking awful; the group vocals and backing shouts mire together, the production seems tackier and sludgier than normal, and the song just goes on and on like a kids party from Hell. In terms of sheer badness, “Party Like a Rock Star” might be the worst of all 23 volumes.
And we’re not even done yet.
2. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz – Thrift Shop
The Original: If you’re reading this, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’ve at least heard “Thrift Shop” once or twice since the rap ode to Goodwill’s been inescapable for the last four months. Unlike virtually every other song in the KB oeuvre, “Thrift Shop” wasn’t engineered for mass consumption, but blew up after its doofy video was shown around by the same guy at your school/office that showed everyone “Gangnam Style” last September. It’s about a guy that loves buying tacky shit at a thrift shop to wear to clubs instead of designer shirts. You know, for kids!
The “Dirty” Lyrics: We’re going to be here all day if I list every single one, so I’m going to take a “best of” approach: “Walk into the club like, ‘What up, I got a big cock!'”, People like ‘Damn! That’s a coldass honky!'”, “Probably should have washed this, it smells like R. Kelly’s sheets (Pissssssssssssssssssssss!)“, “I’ll take those flannel zebra jammies, second-hand, I rock that motherfucker/the next two lines ending in motherfucker/Like this, motherfucker“, “I’m in this big ass coat from the thrift shop down the road”
The Kidz Bop Lyrics: “Walk into the club like, ‘What up, I got a hit song!‘”, “People like ‘Hey! The guy on the marquee!‘”, “Probably should have washed this, it smells like my baseball cleats (Ewwwwwwwwwww!)“, “I’ll take those flannel zebra jammies, second-hand, I rock that like it’s awesome/the next two lines ending in really awesome/Like this, really awesome!”, “I’m in this real big coat from the thrift shop down the road”
I can’t.
This song is so heavily scrubbed over and rewritten that Macklemore might as well be reduced to a co-writer with whatever hack changed most of the lines. From a business standpoint, I get why KB had to do a version of “Thrift Shop”–for better and (mostly) worse, it’s the song that’s going to play in the background of stories set 2013 for years to come–but just because you have to doesn’t mean you should. There’s just no way to meaningfully kidify “Thrift Shop”.
Ok, credit to Kidz Bop where it’s due (*gag*): the “Guy on the marquee” line actually follows the meter of the original, and white parents can rest easy knowing that they just dodged another uncomfortable conversation about race relations. The three other blatant rewrites are nausea inducing; just about everything else in the song rhymes except the “hit song”, which doesn’t even try to fit. And aside from having all the grace of a ballet dancer strung out on Valium with a broken kneecap and the intelligence to go with it, the “Baseball cleats” and “REALLY AWESOME” lines are miserable because they completely miss the point of the original; grossing people out and gratuitously swearing are fun gimmicks. I hate to give “Thrift Shop” credit for anything beyond being a novelty, but there’s a sophistication to it that KB can’t dumb down.
The Original: Nicki Minaj’s Designated Pop Single “Starships” was a hit last year, even if it sounded like Minaj was just making shit up as she went along (which she totally did). Rather curious for a song made to be a pop hit, the song features “motherfucker” smack dab in the chorus multiple times without a lot of room for interpretation. Well, that and some other lyrics to upset the Sunday School singalongs.
The “Dirty” Lyrics:“Have a drink, clink, have a Bud Light/Bad bitches like me is hard to come by”, “I’ma blow all my money, and don’t give two shits“, “Fuck who you want, and fuck who you like“, and most of all “We’re higher than a motherfucker!“
The Kidz Bop Lyrics:“Have a think, clink, have a good night/Good people like me is hard to come by”, “I’ma blow all my money and give into it“, “Dance with you want, dance with who you like“,and worst of fucking all, “We’re Kidz Bop and we’re taking over!“
Go listen to the KB version. There’s just no way to grasp how batshit vile the “We’re Kidz Bop and we’re taking overrrr!” sub sounds over text. It’s like someone running a finger down the back of your neck; you just have to experience it to know that you don’t want to do that shit ever again. And it happens multiple times; this isn’t a one-off like most of the other gags, it’s core to the song. The verses got gutted too, with the award for second worst edit going to whatever poor bastard had to rap “Dance with who you want, dance with who you like”, with “Good people like me is hard to come by” taking a commendable third.
And you thought Nicki Minaj wrote some crazy lyrics.
The brothers’ departure was a blessing in disguise. Paramore’s always frustrated me because they could be better than they actually were; each of their albums had about three to five flat out great tracks loaded down with power pop filler. From All We Know Is Falling to brand new eyes, they mostly kept the same “big guitars and big drums” sound that could be great or stale.
Fall Out Boy arrive at Save Rock and Roll with the opposite problem: here’s a band that’s changed their sound so that they barely sound like themselves anymore. While Paramore were rushing out of the Warped Tour ghetto with “Misery Business”, Fall Out Boy were starting the “Soulful and metacommentary-heavy lead single, Jay-Z opening our record, and songs led by strings” phase of their career. Folie a Deux continued the experimental path, and now Save Rock and Roll puts more distance between FOB and their pop-punk rise than ever before. That’s not a good thing.
Tegan and Sara – Heartthrob
Jay-Z – Magna Carta…Holy Grail
Ranting About Music! 