The Top Ten Worst Hits of 2012 (5-1)

Posted on December 17, 2012 by bgibs122

Hello, and welcome back to Ranting About Music’s Listmas! Today, we’re counting down the top five worst hits of the year, the lowest of the low. So, who made the cut?

5. One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful

Despite pushing a new album this year, Beiber wasn’t the runaway teen idol success of 2012. That honor would go to British walking mannequins One Direction, who made it big in the US with “What Makes You Beautiful”. I kind of want the Beibs back.

This song’s made my teeth curl since the first time I heard it. The I-IV-V chord progression/”dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun” riff is lazier and dumber than the Four Chords of Pop, and the atrocious, hyper-clipped, headache-inducing production is one of the biggest casualties in the loudness war I’ve ever heard. But what really put “What Makes You Beautiful” over the edge for me were the lyrics. On the surface, “What Makes You Beautiful” is just another Good Self-Esteem Song with the main lyric “You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful”. But instead of just letting the subject lie, and have the audience assume the girl’s humble, One Erection drive the point that she’s really insecure, and keep pushing that they’re the ones right. It sounds like something a pick-up artist would use: less for her benefit, and more for theirs. Did these guys come from Britain with a return policy?

4. fun. – Some Nights

It’s been a big year for indie-popsters fun., who amassed not just one, but two runaway hits this year. And I considered both of them: Top 10 mainstay “Some Nights” and number one “We Are Young” for this list. It was a really hard choice to make, but…yeah, I’m gonna go with “Some Nights”.

“Some Nights” had the potential to be a really cool song, and some parts of it (the drumbeat and guitar riffing) are still kind of great. But that makes it a more frustrating listen, because that glimmer of hope only magnifies the obnoxious parts of the song, namely Nate Ruess talking bits. Ruess’ two monologues during “Some Nights” are so overwrought and filled with misguided self importance that thought I was listening to 30 Seconds to Mars. Add in some claustrophobic arrangements, more AutoTune than anyone needs, some oblique and pretentious lyrics, and a nice dose of “Cecilia”, and “Some Nights” comes out as a mess.

3. Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj – Dance (A$$)

I know this song came out in the tail end of last year, but because it had most of its success in 2012, made the list this year. I thought about Radio Ranting it in January or February, but I couldn’t find a way to stop myself from devolving into a sputtering rage whenever I thought about it too hard. It’s just such a bad song from the get-go: The hook consisting of “ass” repeated infinitely, the putrid beat, the godawful MC Hammer sample, a career low in Nicki Minaj’s guest verses, and Big Sean’s blunt misogyny…”Dance (A$$)” is one of the most dislikeable songs I’ve ever heard.

So why is it only at number three?

The more I look at it, the more I get the idea that there’s some smirking perversion to “A$$”, like it was designed to be ridiculously bad. That obviously doesn’t make it a better song, but the refuge in audacity shows a deeper point: “A$$” is so vile that it highlights the ugly aspects of its sub-genre, and is a joke on other “Shake that ass” jams by stripping them of bullshit. Or, it could be entirely serious on the surface, in which case “A$$” can kiss mine.

2. Train – 50 Ways To Say Goodbye

What in the actual fuck, Train?

Give me a second, I need to get this story straight. Train’s had some insane lyrics before: “I’m so obsessed/My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest” from “Hey Soul Sister”, which made the 2010 Worst-Of, and the entirety of “Drive By” which barely missed this year’s Worst-Of. But neither of those come close to “50 Ways to Say Goodbye”, which might have one of the most bizarre set-ups for a pop song I’ve heard. The first verse is about how the singer was broken up with, basic enough. But then, in an effort to save face with his friends, he makes up eleven different ways that she died, including: plane crash, tanning bed mishap, fell and couldn’t get up, run over by “a crappy purple Scion”, death by shark, and eaten by a goddamn lion.

The saddest part is that the song’s insanity isn’t restricted to the lyrics. For reasons only they can decipher, Train back up their normally acoustic band sound with a mariachi band playing a horn line I swear I’ve heard before. On top of that, “50 Ways to Say Goodbye” ganks the melody from “Phantom of the Opera”  because hell, why not add to the batshit levels of WTF the song’s already got going for it. And I know I’m nitpicking at this point, but the song doesn’t even mention 50 ways to say goodbye.

1. Jason Mraz – I Won’t Give Up

I know there’s been a lot of negativity on this list, but as I’ve run this site for the last three years, I’ve found that I don’t hate most artists. Even songs like “Rack City”, I’ll listen to, review, then whenever it comes on again, I just think about it like “Oh, you”, and move on with my day.

Then there’s Jason Mraz. I can’t stand this guy. I can’t stand him from the bottom of his TOMS to the top of his knit beanie. He’s the paragon of “College Douchebro with Guitar”; he lacks the jam-band vibe to Dave Matthews, and John Mayers’ guitar chops. And every single time I heard “I Won’t Give Up” over this past year, I’ve wanted to grab this douchebag’s acoustic guitar, and club him over the head with it. It’s musically lazy, the melody’s clunky, and it’s laughably insincere. There’s no sign of any struggle, or any grief in the lyrics, so when Mraz belts all choked up that he won’t give up, there’s nothing at stake. Hell, it doesn’t even sound like he’s going through any anguish or trial; “I Won’t Give Up” is all bright and shiny chords without any sense of hardship. If any of that was there, I’d be a little more accepting of this schlock, but as it stands, Mraz sounds like a smug twerp with a guitar trying to woo the girls at the coffeeshop.

And that’s all for the worst! Did I miss your pick? Let me know in comments!

Ranting About Music Listmas Schedule
Dec. 16th: Worst Hits (10-6)
Dec. 17th: Worst Hits (5-1)
Dec. 18th: Best Hits (10-6)
Dec. 19th: Best Hits (5-1)
Dec. 20th: Best New Music
Dec. 21st: Best Albums
Dec. 22nd: Odds ‘n Ends

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The Top Ten Worst Hits of 2012 (10-6)

Posted on December 16, 2012 by bgibs122

It’s that time of year again!

With Billboard’s official list of the 100 biggest songs of 2012 published, it’s time to count down the worst, and the best of what this past year has offered us. Two quick reminders: for a song to qualify, it has to be on that list, and my own unofficial rule is that the songs generally aren’t leftover hits from last year (for example: “We Found Love” and “Sexy and I Know It” were featured in last year’s Best/Worst, so they won’t be here as well).

Also, I want to thank everyone who’s read Ranting About Music over this last year, I couldn’t keep this up without y’all. So, let’s find 20 ways to say goodbye to 2012, starting with the worst songs of the year!

10. Phillip Phillips – Home

The fact that “Home” even made the year-end Hot 100 puts Phillip Phillips head and shoulders above other American Idol alumni in terms of success. Instead of releasing a bland, soulless, empty pop song as a first single, Phillip(s) released a bland, soulless, empty pop song that aped the biggest rock trend at the time as a first single.

Let me be clear, I’m not Mumford and Sons’ biggest fan, but even I can admit that they’ve made some kickass songs. And “Home” just doesn’t touch that. The lyrics sound like they were written in ten minutes, Phillips’ forced grunt for vocals is grating, and the song’s attempt at warm fuzzies leaves me cold and angry. “Home” is so boring it doesn’t even provide the cheap thrill from a crowd singalong that it so desperately wants. I never thought I’d hear a song bad enough to make me want to listen to Mumford & Sons, but there you have it.

9. Tyga – Rack City

2012 was the first year that G.O.O.D. Music noticeably trumped Young Money for Most Popular Hip-Hop Roster. That’s not to say that G.O.O.D. is categorically better (*ahem*), but when “Rack City” was Young Money’s first hit of the year, the stakes were quietly lowered. On this (I guess) boast track, Tyga throws some serious clichés around about having cash and bitches over an uninteresting beat with the most unbearably repetitive hook of the year. The song’s three and a half minutes, but repeats itself so often it feels like five. Tyga makes a life of money, being a star, and one bitch fucking with the other bitch sound hopelessly monotonous.

8.Lee Brice – Hard to Love

I know I don’t talk about country a lot on Ranting About Music, but when I hear songs like “Hard to Love”, can you really blame me for avoiding the genre?

Alright, that’s not entirely fair; even I know that “Hard to Love” is shitty by country-crossover standards. The music aims for the same scholocky, godawful pop band sound of a spineless act like The Fray, but is so neutered that it makes The Script sound edgy. And I get songs that say, “Hey, thanks for putting up with my shit, I love you”, but there’s no payback in “Hard to Love”. The lyrics paint our protagonist as a self-centered, possibly abusive, alcoholic jerk without giving him any redeeming qualities. If you’re going to write a song about being Homer Simpson, you’ve got to remember all the times he’s bent over backwards for Marge. Hell, the woman in the song doesn’t even get an “I love you” out of this guy. And we’re supposed to be sympathetic to him. “Hard to Love” is impossible to like.

7. Karmin – Brokenhearted

Of all the schticky YouTube artists out there, Karmin–a duo whose sole gimmick is “white woman raps dirty hip-hop songs while endearingly boring guy plays an instrument”–makes a good case for being the most annoying. Their covers are kinda cool to hear once, but do you watch this, and say “Hey, you know what? I’d really like to hear their original material!”?

Karmin’s problem when it comes to original material is that they completely lack their own sound; they just play a “quirky” arrangement of whatever they’re covering. So, when they were picked up by a major label, and pressed to record their own stuff, it only makes sense that the resulting single “Brokenhearted” sounds like an anonymous Katy Perry/Jessie J/Cher Lloyd knockoff. With rapping. And the rapping in “Brokenhearted” sounds completely shoed-in, as if it’s only there because hey, that’s what made the group (in)famous. Add in some enforced silliness (“Cheerio!”), and the fact that Amy Heidemann’s voice is actually really annoying, and you have a pop lowpoint of the year.

6. Gym Class Heroes feat. Neon Hitch – Ass Back Home

After a somewhat successful solo outing, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes seems to think that fuck it, his band can make it on the charts, too. Then again, I’m not sure I’d ever attribute the singles from The Papercut Chronicles II‘s success to the main band.

Like “Stereo Hearts”, the guest vocals on the chorus are pulling the audience in, and doing most of the work. But, unlike “Stereo Hearts”, it doesn’t sound like it belongs here. Neon Hitch’s smooth and sweet pop chorus, the reggae/dub verses, and Angels and Airwaves-y bridge don’t mesh at all. “Ass Back Home” (what, did “Get Your Ass Back Home” sound too logical?) suffers on just about every front: the lyrics aren’t good, Travie’s flow here is awkwardly all over the map, and none of the music sounds like a cohesive song. It sounds like a few ideas strung together.

That’s it for today, tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of the Worst Hits of 2012!

Ranting About Music Listmas Schedule
Dec. 16th: Worst Hits (10-6)
Dec. 17th: Worst Hits (5-1)
Dec. 18th: Best Hits (10-6)
Dec. 19th: Best Hits (5-1)
Dec. 20th: Best New Music
Dec. 21st: Best Albums
Dec. 22nd: Odds ‘n Ends

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Radio Rant: Rihanna – Diamonds

Posted on December 4, 2012 by bgibs122

Hello, and welcome to Radio Rants. Is Maroon 5 still number one?

I just realized despite blogging for like, three Rihanna album cycles, I haven't reviewed her LPs.

Nope!

Hm, it’s another Rihanna single. I know I’m trading out bland and boring for dull and passable, but once “One More Night” entered its tenth week in the top spot, I was ready for damn anything else. Yes, even “Gangnam Style”. But hey, this is more than any other Rihanna single, it’s a Rihanna lead single, which have a history of being quite good. Well, let me just pull up the ol’ YouTube, and we’ll get started…

Is there someone I can talk to about not reviewing that Britney/will.i.am single ever?

Is there someone I can talk to about not reviewing that Britney/will.i.am single ever?

Now we hit play, and start to list–

Same goes for meeting Justin Bieber

Same goes for meeting Justin Bieber.

What the? Did I just somehow blink and miss the song? I get that Ri’s hits are supposed to be fairly disposable, but there’s normally at least something to listen to. Ok, let me try to reload the video. Hm, there’s some video set-up before the song, we’ve got a moment here.

I think I mentioned this when “Where Have You Been” came up in Billboard’s Songs of Summer list, but talking about Rihanna gets kind of tedious after awhile because while she doesn’t carbon copy herself that often, all of her hits come from the same “dance up whatever trend is big at the moment, make the chorus solid and the verses decent” mentality. They sort of resemble the Camry of pop music: safe, dependable, and sells like no other. Ri probably involves fewer mom jeans, though. Ok, now the song’s starting…

“Diamonds” is fairly restrained for a Rihanna single, and even drifts into balladry. The production consists of some 80’s sounding keyboards, and a soft drum beat for the verses. It’s produced by Team Rihanna newcomer but pop everyman Benny Blanco, and StarGate, who produced previous hit “Only Girl (In the World)”. Some of that song’s atmospheric synths make a reappearance in “Diamonds” at the chorus, and they’re a nice, chilly touch. Let’s see, we got to the chorus, we should have another two and a half minutes of video left.

Did the will.i.am album ever come out?

What the shit? Ok, maybe it’s the video. Guess I’ll get the audio video then…great, damn ad.

Go away, State Farm.

Go away, State Farm.

Well, we’ve got more time. Come to think of it, “Diamonds” has a more unique Rihanna vocal take than most of her songs. She sings the song in a more throaty, full voice than normal–compare the chorus here to “Where Have You Been” where she’s all upper range. It turns out that “Diamonds” was written by singer-songwriter Sia, who you may remember from being kind of a big feature artist this year. Well, Sia’s always been a decent writer, let’s see what she’s turned up, now the that video’s ready.

“Shine bright like a diamond” The easiest way to make a lyric memorable? Repeat it ad nauseum.

“Find a light in a beautiful sea/I choose to be happy/You and I, you and I/Are like diamonds in the sky” Well, that’s pretty imagery. Little more, but still pretty. And isn’t a diamond in the sky just a star? Everything I’ve seen in the promo for this song just covers everything in actual diamonds.

“I knew that we would become one right away/Oh, right away/At first sight I left the energy of sun rays” I only bring this one up because the way Ri chews on the words (especially “become” and “energy”) sounds off, like she’s trying to impersonate someone.

“So shine tonight, you and I/We’re beautiful, like diamonds in the sky/Eye to eye, so alive/We’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky” So here’s our chorus. I won’t lie, it’s pretty. Rihanna still sounds different, but it kinda works for her. So, here we are in the video…

Still waiting on that Hits comp, Ri.

Ok, then there’s a kinda samey second verse, and the chorus might change, then the bridge’ll have something new, so w–

That Gavin DeGraw video has less than 2k views. Poor bastard.

That Gavin DeGraw video has less than 2k views. Poor bastard.

Oh, come on! This song can’t expect a pleasant chorus to carry over half its run time! But that’s pretty much what happens–no wonder I keep tuning out once we hit the chorus.

It could be because “Diamonds” isn’t really a Rihanna song. I was directed to a video of its writer, Sia, singing it live, and it is a much more engaging version. Not just because it’s a stripped down rendition, but because Sia sings the fuck out of the song (there are also fewer “Shine bright like a diamond”s), and even Rihanna’s final chorus belting seems kind of fenced in on the original. And after hearing the original, it’s clear that the reason Ri sounds kind of off is because she’s straight up trying to imitate Sia, a comparison which does her no favors.

Finally reached the end by myself! “Diamonds” is kind of a sleepy song. It’s not even disposable in that “Heard it once, don’t need to hear it again” way, you could hear half of it, and get the idea. Rihanna changes her delivery, but it’s just a Sia impression, and Rihanna just doesn’t go for broke like she does. The production’s pretty, but doesn’t go anywhere (and sounds too familiar), and the same goes for the lyrics. Points for trying something a little different, but “Diamonds” isn’t gonna be forever.

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Feedback: Nine Inch Nails – With Teeth

Posted on November 30, 2012 by bgibs122

Feedback on the last day of the month? I'm a master of my own deadlines.Speaking broadly, Nine Inch Nails’ albums can be broken into two groups: the concept albums and No Concept albums. The former, The Downward Spiral, The Fragile, and Year Zero tend to be more well received than the latter group, which consists of debut Pretty Hate Machine, (so far) final album The Slip, and With Teeth (the Broken EP is sort of a go-between; there’s no concept to it, unless being distilled from pure rage counts). Out of the No Concept group, Pretty Hate Machine is regarded as the band’s dated but promising debut, and The Slip has been generally accepted as the band’s unofficial career spanning retrospection. With Teeth remains with the tag of “just another Nine Inch Nails album”.

Is it an unfair tag? Not exactly, but there are some perks to being standard. When a high school friend of mine encouraged me to get into Nine Inch Nails, he burned me a copy of Broken, the live album And All That Could Have Been, and With Teeth. I listened to each one over and over before eventually owning the bulk of the band’s discography, at which point I left With Teeth behind for the darker and more challenging stuff.

In retrospect, With Teeth works best as aN INtro (I am so sorry). It still snarls and thrashes, but there’s nothing as ugly as Broken, it has songs that rival “Closer”‘s catchiness without as much of The Downward Spiral‘s deranged baggage, it’s textured and thought out while lacking The Fragile or Year Zero‘s density, and it sidesteps the instrumental compositions that Trent Reznor dabbled in during the band’s final years. Coming after 1994’s The Downward Spiral and The Fragile in 1999, With Teeth sounds like a band with a fresh perspective.

Which was by no stretch an accident. Some time after TDS‘s release, Reznor began abusing drugs and alcohol, and things got even more out of control during The Fragile‘s release and tour (Reznor recounted writing “La Mer” in a place where he very nearly killed himself). Would his obituary have been tragic? Absolutely. Surprising for a guy whose last two albums were about utter despair, and one even ending in a suicide? Definitely not. Reznor entered rehab two years after The Fragile‘s release, took some time off, then began writing With Teeth.

Lead single “The Hand That Feeds” became the band’s biggest commercial hit, and in some ways, was the announcement of Nine Inch Nails 2.0. The song’s a slick distillation of the band’s rock/metal aggression, textured and tailored keyboards and electronics, and slick pop style. It’s one of the band’s better single choices. The video also shows Nine Inch Nails as something new as well: a full band. Reznor still did most of the studio work (Dave Grohl and touring drummer Jerome Dillon provided percussion), but “The Hand That Feeds” video is the first with a band in it since “March of the Pigs” in 1994. Reznor himself shows new signs of life in the video. A slim guy since NIN’s start, Reznor looks buffed up since he started lifting weights after his recovery. After a bloated double album, and six years off, Nine Inch Nails is shown as a band, to put it simply, with teeth.

With a six year lull between The Fragile and With Teeth, NIN sidestepped the dominance of nu-metal, a subgenre it helped inspire. Instead, one of With Teeth‘s more distinct influences is dance music; there is rhythm and funk present throughout that wasn’t as heavy in the band’s previous output. Even ballads “Every Day Is Exactly the Same” and “Beside You In Time” are percussion heavy, the breakdown on opener “All the Love in the World” is damn near soul, and best single and album highlight “Only” is one of the funkiest and outright sexiest songs Reznor’s composed. These elements are present all over With Teeth, and were more fleshed out on the dark electronic soul of Year Zero two years later.

The two elements of With Teeth that frequently get criticized are the lyrics and it being filler heavy. Reznor tends to write under his age, and when he’s angry, his lyrics can come off as juvenile quite easily (this problem plagued The Fragile, and Pretty Hate Machine has some real misfires). It shows up again on With Teeth, which tends to be lyrically on the nose (see: “Getting Smaller”, and “Love Is Not Enough”), but sometimes the honesty gets it right (“Right Where It Belongs”).

With Teeth does have a higher volume of uninteresting songs than most NIN releases, but it’s less to do with Reznor running out of ideas, and more to do with him taking stock and getting comfortable. He described  the process behind the album as “lo-fi” and having a “kind of carelessness” to it, an intriguing mentality from one of modern music’s most prominent craftsmen. Even with some dull material, With Teeth is always masterfully recorded; “Sunspots” isn’t going to be anyone’s favorite song, but it still has some The Fragile style texturing to it.

Regardless of how well it’s done for itself, or where it ranks in Nine Inch Nails’ discography (I’d admit it places comparatively low), With Teeth is still a decent release. It put the band back on map after over half a decade’s absence when it came out, and it still functions as a nice sampler of what the group did. It deserves better recognition than it’s gotten for half a dozen enduring songs, and the overall level of craft that went into it. With Teeth isn’t as sharp as other Nine Inch Nails releases, but it doesn’t bite as hard as you’d think, either.

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