Hello, and welcome back to Radio Rants, because I haven’t used the usual intro in the past few reviews!
Alright, so the Top 10 is either stuff I already did or stuff that looks unappealing. Fine, I’ll try in the Top 20…ok, I have literally reviewed over half of these. Screw it, random number generator time. I will hands down review whatever number song comes up.
Alright, sure. #6 on the hit parade. And what song is this, pray tell?
I…alright. I’ve never heard this song, nor anything about the artist. Gimmie a few, I’ll be back. Seriously, get some coffee or work on a sudoko or wonder why you don’t have more followers on Twitter, I’ll be back.
…there are literally no redeeming qualities to this song. None. I mean, I can’t even count the fact that it ends as a good thing because shit like this shouldn’t have even began. I’ve never heard of Far East Movement (a rap posse of Asian-Americans), and I wish I could un-hear of them and this song.
This has to be a fluke hit. There is no trace of professionalism or craft to this. There’s barely even a beat. It sounds like they opened a GarageBand file, blindly punched in a few notes and rhythms, and said, “Hey, no one’s going to listen to this, good enough”. Add in mechanical handclaps and the most generic tiss-kah-tiss effect so bland it’s probably “Default #1” on beats, and that’s the mainstay of the music. Hell, reading this review probably takes more time than they spent on the music/production.
And they probably didn’t spend much more time on the lyrics. I never thought I’d use Ke$ha as the higher artist, but freaking “Tik Tok” covered the “Tool at a party” field better than these dweebs did. Just read the hook if you doubt me: “Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard/When we drink we do it right, gettin’ slizzard/Sippin’ sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6/Now I’m feelin so fly, like a G6/Like a G6, Like a G6/Now I’m feelin’ so fly like a G6”.
Run through the checklist of terrible choices with me. Empty boasting? Check! Making words up? Check! Stupid to the point of offensive? Check! And last but not least, being so damn lazy you rhymed six with six? Check!
Here’s a fun fact, there’s no model “G6” plane. Wikipedia has a list of what it means here. So if you want to feel so fly like Far East Movement, that means you feel as fly as:
-The 6 most powerful European Union members (Pretty fly).
-Group 6 of the periodic table, which includes chromium, molybdenum, tungsten, and seaborgium (fairly fly).
-Spot G6 on a chess board, which is 1 square up from where a black pawn starts (not fly at all).
The rest of the lyrics are just as terrible. There’s lines revealing (shocker) a penchant for expensive alcohol, how gangsta it is to be sippin’ at the club, something about putting hands up, and this repeated gem, “When sober girls around me actin-actin like they drunk”, a line so terrible that its very existence makes me feel bad for the English language.
There’s bad songs out there, and then there’s “Like a G6”. It’s as if someone found Ke$ha’s Asian-American extended family, got them trashed on absinthe laced with meth, guided them to a MacBook with GarageBand, told them to write a song that sounds dated already, and put the results on the radio. I haven’t been able to find anything about it being ironic or a parody, but even if it was, it doesn’t matter because of how bad it truly is. This might legitimately be the worst song I’ve heard on the radio all year.