Ah…no more Gaga. Welcome back to Radio Rants, who am I dealing with this week?

…is that the “Birthday Sex” guy? That’s the “Birthday Sex” guy, isn’t it? I know I’m really harping on that one song, but that’s the only reason Jeremih’s famous. And I don’t even understand how that happened; “Birthday Sex” is a bottom of the barrel song that’s as sexy and sensual as “Business Time”.

“Down on Me” starts off with some of 50 Cent’s trademark mumbling. What’s he saying? Eh, I don’t know, probably 50’s usual: there’s some girl he’s chasing after, he’s rapping about how she moves, and the phrase “Push up on it” is probably used at least once. 50’s got a few different spots on the track, so lemmie just pull up some lyrics…

“So sexual, incredible, she beautiful, she edible”  When your options are a slant rhyme or cannibalism, just do the extra work and find another word for “incredible”.

“I got her, I won’t let her go” Yes, Fiddy, you treasure this woman you found shaking her ass at a club. Hell, if she makes eye contact, you might as well go ring shopping.

“Look how she twerk it, the way she work it make me wanna hit it, hit it, heaven when I’m in it, in it. If I do not fit, I’m gonna make it, girl you can take it” Alright, first off I think Fiddy just set a land speed record for rhyming “it” with “it” some half a dozen times. Second off, this just sounds creepy as fuck. Ok, fine, 50 sees a hot woman, we’ve all been there. Then we get to him not letting her go and if it doesn’t fit he’s going to make it fit? Dude, not cool. It’s not as bad as Enrique “Tonight I’m Fucking You” Iglesias, but this one still pisses me off.

Anyway, “Down on Me”‘s production is pretty subpar. It manages to be annoyingly busy and somehow empty at the same time. It also tries to compensate for doing nothing well by trying to do everything; just about every idea for “futuristic electronica” gets shoved in at least once, yet it never manages to sound good at all. The entire song just wasn’t put together well.

Then of course, there’s Jeremih, who manages to have even less personality here than he did on “Birthday Sex”. Instead of crappy R&B crooning, we have crappy Auto-Tune sing talking, because that’s a trend that needs to be continued. Even without the Auto-Tune, he’d probably sound robotic; he delivers the verses in a mumbling, never changing, flowless voice, and the chorus isn’t much better. He’s got his own batch of bad lyrics (“What, you work at Bally’s? Look at your physique, girl you are a beauty, well I am a beast”), but he never manages to be nearly as offensively terrible as 50.

Jeremih’s other problem is how completely D-list he is. he’s going for the BEP, 808-era Kanye style of dark, Auto-Tune, electro-pop, but he lacks any of the charisma to even come close to pulling it off. The fact that even with Auto-Tune he sounds like a nasally whiny pushover doesn’t help.

Yeah, “Down on Me” is one of the worst songs we’ve had here on Radio Rants in quite some time. 50 Cent’s questionable lines push a normally boring performance downhill, and Jeremih is one of those performers who straight up doesn’t have the qualities of a performer. Other songs we’ve had have been boring, or lacking the execution, but this is a generic sexariffic club jam that’d only be tolerable if you’re too drunk to hear it.