Radio Rant: Black Eyed Peas – The Time (Dirty Bit)

Posted on November 30, 2010 by bgibs122

They’re baaa-aaaack.

The Black Eyed Peas had always been a pop music presence, but the past year and a half has been one giant popularity wave for them. Their 2009 album The E.N.D. spawned three number one singles (impressive, given that there’s one and a half good songs between them), and now we have their new single, “The Time (Dirty Bit)” from their newest album, The Beginning, which came out today. Well, YouTube is telling me we’re looking at five minutes of song, so let’s get crackin’.

The first thing is a kind of 8-Bit sounding synth line. Is that the “Dirty Bit” in the title? All the artwork I’ve seen for The Beginning is 8-bitified Black Eyed Peas (it’s oddly adorable), so it’s not an entirely left-field theory. But what’s “The Time” refer to? Actually, this chord progression sounds kinda familiar…

“I…had the time of my life” …oh, please, no. Tell me they didn’t sample “(I Had) The Time of My Life”, aka the Dirty Dancing theme song. I had to listen to this song all the time when I was a kid, and I have no memory of liking it at all. So that’s Strike One against “The Time”.

So on the chorus, we get will.I.am’s Auto-Tune mewling while Fergie proves that she could actually have a singing career. Then the song goes from an updated 80s hit to…a club jam? Really? This beat and elongated synth sound effect are actually kind of danceable, but a total left turn from where the song just was. And it does another hard left turn to go back to the chorus. Will.I.am’s production here isn’t bad, but “The Time” suffers from one of the same issues I had with “Boom Boom Pow” and “Imma Be”: it sounds like two separate songs stapled together.

And that sample. In case you missed my previous thoughts on sampling, basically I find it to be a fair music practice, but it does bug me when an artist blatantly lifts part of an old song and plugs into their own without changing much. You know, exactly what’s happening here.

Now, being a Black Eyed Peas song, we’re in for some terrible lyrics. Come read some with me.

“I don’t wanna take no pictures, I just wanna take some shots”–Like the ones you took to the head before doing this verse?

“And yeah it’s hot in hur/the temperature/It’s got these ladies gettin’ freakiyur“–That’s not how English works, and you know it, will.I.am. Shots to the head: confirmed.

“I didn’t come to get boogie/I came here to get rabies”–Excuse me, what? That line cannot make sense, and this is coming from the group who shoehorned “Mazel tov!” into their biggest song. Wait, wait, wait, it’s been brought to my attention that the word is not rabies, but “crazy”. I couldn’t tell underneath Fergie’s gratuitous A-Tuning. Wait, why the hell is Fergie Auto-Tuning? She can sing just fine! She sings on the fucking chorus!

“Cause I’m. Having. A good. Time!”–Well, if you want to be Spartans about it, go ahead.

“All these girls, they like my swagger/They call me Mick Jagger”–They just cribbed a line from Ke$ha. Because the Black Eyed Peas break out the shovel just when you think they hit rock bottom.

“We ain’t messin’ with no maggots”–Someone was sick on “double negatives” day in fifth grade, weren’t they?

I’m not going to post all of it here, but Apl’s verse is nothing but horrible puns on his name.

That’s “The Time (Dirty Bit)”, a lesson in how to write a dance track that isn’t remotely fun at all. Will.I.am’s good production gives some saving grace, but not enough to redeem a bad sample, enough Auto-Tune to make T-Pain cringe, and four verses that drag their knuckles across the dancefloor. Meh.

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Man vs. Machine: I Sign Up For iTunes

Posted on November 29, 2010 by bgibs122

I’m just going to go ahead and say it: I’ve never used iTunes.

That’s not out of some sense of being hipper-than-the-hipper-than-thous, but…well, I dunno, I’ve never seen the point. I’ve used Windows Media Player since I started using a PC in 7th grade mostly because it works; big, clearly labeled buttons, clear library organization, user-friendly interface, doesn’t crash, rips MP3s…it does what I ask, and that’s all I need. The fact that I’ve never had an Apple computer, iPod, iPhone, iTampaxiPad, or any Apple product to suck me into the iWeb probably helps. So let’s do this.

Installation
Ok, so on iTunes’ main site and there’s a little blue “Download iTunes” bar in the corner. Alright, easy enough, let’s click and download. Also, does Apple believe in any color that isn’t Soul Crushing White, Office PowerPoint Gray #2, and black?

Yeah, yeah, download, clicky-click, install…well, this seems simple so far. Granted, all I’m asking it to do is manifest itself, but still. All installed…let’s fire it up.

Setup
Ok, let’s get to the mus–wait, what? Oh, ok, upload my library. Sure.
[five minutes later]
Still loading? Well…that’s fair. Guess I have a lot of music. Hey, look, wet paint on a wall.
[time passes]
Man, that is a good looking wall. Ok, we’re all loaded and primed to go! Well, I guess I’ll check the s–
[“Genius: gathering information about your library”]
[“Genius: sending your information to Apple”]
Er, what?
[“Genius: delivering your Genius results”]
…what the hell was that? I just want to listen to some Radiohead, not let Steve Jobs know that I have every Smashing Pumpkins album. Well, great, I guess Big Brother had to start somewhere…

Playing the Music (aka: Music Library)
Well, the music plays, that’s comforting. Playing with the view menu gives you a few redundant ways to see your music depending on if you like seeing album covers, but I can’t knock that at all. Looks like everything has a shortcut button, which reinforces something I think about Apple: Their means and methods don’t make a lick of sense until you totally immerse yourself in the iLife. And if that’s what you want, then sure, I won’t stop you.

Features: Probably what iTunes prides itself on. Lessie what we’ve got…
Ping: It’s like Twitter but with less comedy potential and more artists hawking their/other artists’ music. Meh.
Genius: Ok, so this makes a little “sounds the same” playlist within your library. I feel like there’s a comment in there about having your computer tell you what you like within your own music, but hey, whatever does it for you. I played around with this for awhile, and the playlists consistently fell in “Close enough” territory. But the Genius Recommendations in the sidebar are pretty on-target.

The Store: The pride and joy of iTunes, the online store. The first successful online music distribution system (now, as they keep telling me, with The Beatles!). The iTunes store is pretty damn expansive, and has gobs of information for anything. Reviews, the ever present “You might also like” section, iTunes created playlists…they certainly did their research. The downside is the pricing. On an album-size scale, it’s pretty fair, but on a song by song level…I can’t see paying  $1.29 for the hot new single.

Burning: How the hell do I burn a CD with this? People say that iTunes is super user friendly, and as I tinker with it more and more, it is, but what gives here? I’m used to a great big button on the screen that says “burn”. Oh, wait. I’ve been informed that I have to click a little plus sign on the screen, make a playlist, and then choose to burn that playlist. Make sense in that “I need to pee, so if I build a house, I’ll have a bathroom” sort of roundabout thinking way.

Sync: Not having an iPod, I can’t say much about the sync with iTunes. And thanks to my friend Rob (appreciate it, buddy), I now know that the syncing process isn’t as one way as I had been led to assume from friends’ comments. From what he says, the process is fairly open ended…but your iPod can only sync with one computer at a time. Mixed bag, I guess.

Final Conclusion: Maybe iTunes isn’t the sign of the devil like I always joke it is, but…still, there’s something about it I just don’t like. The store is expansive, it gives you nothing but recommendations, and all the information you want, but somehow it doesn’t feel quite right. If you love iTunes, then more power to you, I’m happy for you. It’s an innovative system that fulfilled a need, and I admire how much it’s done for people and new music.

I think what it gets to is that I like putting people to music; it’s a communal experience. Chatting with store clerks while buying records, watching a friend play an original song on YouTube, reading an artist’s blog, getting an indie label’s newsletter in my email…those are all fun elements that end up leading me to new artists and the people within music. I just don’t see those people when I look at iTunes.

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Mini Mixtape #9

Posted on November 28, 2010 by bgibs122

Today we’ll be listening to some awesome live versions of artists reinterpreting their own songs.

Flogging Molly – Black Friday Rule
“Hahaha, is funny because Black Friday was the other day!” Yep. Exactly. FM redoes their epic rocker as a slow building epic about David King’s desire to return to Ireland.

The White Stripes – Fell in Love With a Girl
Jack and Meg take their defining garage rock stomper, slow it down, and blues it out. Still awesome.

The Smashing Pumpkins – Disarm
Just as dramatic as the original, and about five times as loud. James Iha’s solo towards the end is still my favorite part.

Weezer – Say It Ain’t So
Taken from the band’s Hootenanny tour a few years back. Bring your own instrument and play along with Weezer? Shit, that would have been cool.

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Album Review: Ke$ha – Cannibal

Posted on November 25, 2010 by bgibs122

Much like that annoying person trying way to hard too be your friend, spam e-mail, and herpes, Ke$ha refuses to go away. Having finally exhausted debut record Animal for single-worthy material (a term I’m using very loosely), Ke$ha went back to the studio to toss off 8 new songs based on her experiences this year to be bundled with Animal called Cannibal. And yes, this sounds exactly like what Lady Gaga did at exactly this time last year with The Fame Monster. I’ll be honest; because of the Follow the Leader Effect with Gaga, part of me (a small part) did legitimately think that maybe this’d be surprisingly great. I mean, Gaga followed up her mediocre debut album with a streamlined EP, so could Ke$ha do the same?

Well, she seems to answer the question about, oh, 20 seconds into Cannibal by rhyming “famous” with “anus”. The title track might be the nadir of 2010 pop music. Ke$ha’s “I suck at rapping” rap voice grumbles above a barely tolerable beat. Now, since we’re dealing with Ke$ha, bad lyrics should be a given, but “Cannibal” sounds like shit pulled out of a 14 year old’s notebook after watching Silence of the Lambs (“I eat boys up/Breakfast and lunch/Then when I’m thirsty/I drink their blood”).

Next up is lead single “We R Who We R”, a song that I gave a pretty thorough thrashing in a Radio Rant a few weeks ago. Short version: great beat, awful performer. Then comes “Sleazy”, produced in part by Bangladesh, which stands the chance of being a decent song for about 10 seconds before becoming a knockoff of Lil Wayne’s super annoying “A Milli”. Is every song on here about the club? Do they all mention alcohol, boys, or sex? Do they all use Ke$ha’s Valley Gurl hick accent which is more obnoxious here than it ever was before? Auto-Tune?

The answer is a resounding yes. And aside from Ke$ha’s inherent terribleness, that’s the record’s greatest flaw: it’s all the same. Take out the stupid giggle at the start of “Blow”, and I wouldn’t know that “Sleazy” even ended. I will say this: the group effort by Ammo, Billboard, Bangladesh, Max Martin, and Dr. Luke on Cannibal‘s production makes for the more interesting parts of the EP. But still, their work is too predictable after a while: start with a bleepy-bloopy synth line, throw in a generic beat, add in some club electropop textures, and done.

It’s also awfully derivative. The ballad “The Harold Song” is a faceless “I’m trying to show my good side, I swear guys” song if I ever hard one. “Grow a Pear” sounds like “California Gurls”, funny since “California Gurls” is basically a lazy rewrite of “Tik Tok”, and features even dumber lyrics (“I just can’t date a dude with a vag” says the woman whose current single proclaims “We are who we are” because contradiction is fun!). “Grow a Pear”‘s only memorable quality is how audaciously crude and attention whoring it is, which is kind of impressive considering it’s Ke$ha.

“C U Next Tuesday” would be clever if Britney hadn’t done a better version of that joke with “If You Seek Amy” two years ago. But the bad title aside, this song is actually good; the melody’s pretty, the backing music is the right mix of good ideas, and Ke$ha’s lyrics manage to show a vulnerable side to her party slut persona.

That aside, Cannibal ultimately fails on just about every front, and as a result, has the worst possible outcome: boring. At two ok-but-I’d-never-go-out-of-my-way-to-hear-them songs (“C U Next Tuesday” and just barely “We R Who We R”), one truly awful one (“Cannibal”), and a bunch of filler, this is more of the same. Ke$ha’s still the over Auto-Tuned, crass, gross chick she was on “Tik Tok”, but it’s not surprising anyone anymore. Cannibal wants to be a freak, but it’s no Fame Monster. Two stars.

tl;dr: It wasn’t even the disaster I was hoping for. Two stars.

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