The Top Ten Worst Hits of 2018 (10-6)

Hello there, and welcome to Listmas 2018 Day 3! Today, we leave the world of albums behind to start our song-based coverage. Quick reminder: We’re gonna do Worst Hits today and tomorrow, 50 Favorite Songs Sunday, and then come back after Christmas for the Best Hits.

Let’s get into the dirt.

So, part of why I ended up not blogging this year, and something that caused Radio Rants to fall off in the last year or so before that, was that pop hit a lull in the last few years. That’s not to say that there isn’t still exciting stuff out there, just that it wasn’t catching on under the crushing streaming numbers of whatever bullshit song that got buoyed by dance fads, artists too big to fail, and rappers with 2 minute songs and grossly outsized followings. That lead to a year-end chart that feels really underwhelming and kind of (no pun intended) listless. In fact, I had a worryingly high number of cuts to make to the Worst Hits list. It wasn’t all doom and gloom as we’ll see after a brief Christmas break, but 2018 left a mark.

Before we get to the list, [extreme Dua Lipa voice] I got some rules, I count’em.

  1. Songs must be on the Billboard Year-End Hot 100 for 2018 to qualify. 
  2. If a song made the Worst/Best Hits lists last year, it’s ineligible this year. We want all new faces, so “Shape of You” and “Mi Gente” were removed from contention.
  3. Slightly Updated: The song had to peak during 2018 to be considered eligible. I’ve implemented this with something along the lines of “The song has to have been relevant this year” in the last few years, so really, I’m just making it more official sounding. Billboard’s “Year-End” chart actually technically covers the charts from last year’s December to this year’s mid-November, so a few late December holdouts always make it here, and…I mean, the worst hits of 2018 have to be the worst hits of 2018, you know? Nothing major got lost with this rule, it just took out stuff like “Sorry Not Sorry” and “rockstar.”

And now, the list.

Dishonorable Mention: Post Malone – “I Fall Apart” (#39) and “Psycho” (#6)
The Dishonorable Mention spot is effectively my “Most Hated” pick: it’s for the song that I can’t in good conscience put on the list, but I hate enough that I couldn’t let it slide, either.

This year, the spot goes to a pair of songs that capture the totality of Post Malone’s shitty multitudes. “I Fall Apart” is Post at his most mealy-mouthed and boringly woman-hating; some woman (I’m sorry, some “Devil in the form of a whore” because Post is actually from the 19th century) hurt his fee-fees and now he’s too sad to enjoy his jewelry or his cars, leading to “Weird flex, but okay” lyrics like “Whippin in the foreign and the tears keep rollin” and “Never caught a feeling this hard/Harder than the liquor I pour.” Making things worse is that this soggy tune expresses such feelings with the artless drudgery of a guy trying to soldier through an original song at open-mic night with a guitar and a drum machine.

Meanwhile, “Psycho” captures everything stupid about Post’s singles in go. It leans far too hard on one kinda interesting melody that can’t sustain itself over a hook that gets stretched into infinity. It’s less a genre mismash than it is musically inert. It wastes a competent guest appearance. Post riffs on someone else’s physical appearance (“Had so many bottles, gave ugly girl a sip”) while looking like this. And, what really puts it over the edge for me, is that the chorus has this painful slant rhyme where he rhymes “Psycho” with “Michael” with “ON you” that kneecaps it every time. Post had an absolute monster 2018, and I don’t know if that was in spite of or because of the fact that he’s terrible.

 

10. Drake – “I’m Upset” (#86)
Drake has a bad tendency to put out too many “just fine” songs, so when he lays an egg, it’s really noticeable. Such is the case with Scorpion lowlight and possibly his single illest-timed release “I’m Upset.” Nothing about this song, from Drake’s delivery to the lyrics to the generic trap drums and bass meets SNES game piano loop lands right; I’m baffled anyone thought this single was a good idea. “I’m Upset” needs a rapper who can sound petty and aggrieved without being infinitely whiney (think the first half of “I Don’t Fuck With You”), and Drake just can’t do that. Drake’s best shit talkers are the ones where you can feel him step outside his moody apathy for a minute because he has that much vitriol for you. When he tries for wounded like he does here, he just sounds entitled.

And then Push happened. Three days after Drake released a song expressing frustration at being financially tied to a woman, Pusha T dropped “The Story of Adidon,” where he revealed that Drake has a child he’s kept on the down low. There’s no way to hear Aubrey as anything other than impossibly small while protesting “I still got like seven years of doing what I want!” once you know he’s a dad that refuses to acknowledge his kid. If “I’m Upset” was already a miss, it became a hideous looking during Surgical Summer. Yuegh.

9. Maroon 5 feat. Cardi B – “Girls Like You” (#10)
Oh, Maroon 5. It’s not the Worst Hits if it’s not with you.

Maroon 5 have been a kissass band since “Payphone,” and “Girls Like You” has the distinct kissass flavor of playlist-baiting. The song is a grabbag bastardization of every broad trend possible: muted and moody synths meet percussion that’s bolstered with finger snaps and handclaps meet a pedestrian acoustic guitar lick with aggressive string squeaks for bogus “authenticity” in attempt to sneak onto every Spotify and terrestrial radio playlist possible while bringing absolutely nothing to the table. And, even for Maroon 5, the lyrics here are mailed in: who the fuck knows what to take from a filler lyric like “Girls like you run ‘round with guys like me?”

“Girls Like You” solidified it’s ranking here, though, with the verse from Cardi. Her verse isn’t bad, it’s just that Cardi is too, well, alive for a song this sedate. Adam Levine spends two and a half minutes confusing a tepid delivery with an intimate one, and then in comes Cardi zigzagging through the track and throwing in her trademark ad-libs (in fact, it bears mentioning that “Girls Like You” is possibly the only song where “Okurrt!” shows up–it’s usually a social media/interview tick); these two have all the chemistry of the tertiary couple in a high school musical. But, we all know that Cardi isn’t here because she pairs so well with Adam Levine, she’s here because (like Wiz Khalifa in 2012, Kendrick Lamar in 2016, and Future in 2017) she’s the hot rapper of the moment, and this pandering bullshit worked: “Girls Like You” spent 7 weeks at number 1. Maroon 5 have been a mainstream name since 2002, I’m sure it won’t be long until they reti–Adam Levine’s only 39?!

8. Imagine Dragons – “Natural” (#69, nice)
Look, this is just a rewrite of ID’s already shrill, tuneless shanty “Believer” with Dan Reynolds yowling about getting a little tough in a cold, uncaring world. And when Dan Reynolds wants to roll up his sleeves, get intense, and snarl, he sounds so hard that I bet he’d still get coldclocked by “I’m Upset” Drake.

7. NF – “Let You Down” (#29)
I’m writing part of this list on the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. The trees have shed their leaves, it’s been overcast after raining yesterday, and it’s bright enough that no one has their Christmas lights on yet. Today’s just miserable and dreary in a grossly uninteresting way.

You see where I’m going with this: today feels like how Christian (maybe?) rapper NF’s music sounds. If you want all of Twenty One Pilots’ neediness without the warmth, and late-era Eminem’s stone-faced seriousness and woeful beat selection without the technical verve, have I got a guy for you! On “Let You Down,” NF spits with his fists clenched over a beat of staid piano chords and drums as colorless as asphalt about being a let down to…someone?

That’s the thing: I can’t tell who “Let You Down” is supposed to be addressed to. There’s a line where NF underlines “That’s parents for you,” but in the next lines, he’s talking about someone who put a knife in his back when they should have been loyal, and while a parent can super betray a kid, the idea of a parent being loyal…like, that’s weird, right? And other parts of the song sound addressed to a parent, but then there are a lot of “we”s thrown in and another line stating that “Both know you’re gonna call tomorrow” like this is to an on again/off again significant other. I don’t know, it’s all confusing, and for a guy as fixated as NF is on making REAL MUSIC, you’d think he’d be more fastidious.

6. Thomas Rhett – “Marry Me” (#76)
The punchline is that the full lyric reads “She wanna get married/But she don’t wanna marry me.” It’s a Nashville bait and switch: after the first verse of a song called “Marry Me” details the loving image of a country girl’s dream wedding, you think that the nervous fellow who describes himself in the chorus as holding back tears and taking a pull from a whiskey flask to calm his nerves is the groom, but ohhh waiiit, we discover that it’s not the groom whose talking, but the sad bastard in the pew who loved her the whole time. He’s morose; he reflects on that time they almost kissed (but didn’t, because they’re friends), he laments that her daddy “ain’t the only one giving her away,” and he boldly decides that he won’t declare his love on her wedding day.  Instead, he’ll be the unsung hero by being there, holding himself together, and wishing her well.

My guy: just don’t go.

Like, this is a solvable problem: if seeing your lady love marrying who I have to assume is James Marsden is going to cause you this much anguish, you don’t have to be there. Stay in and keep off social media, or take a day trip and buy them some hand towels off the registry; in a beautiful fit of irony, your presence at the wedding is not required. And c’mon: you love this woman this much, and yet you just kinda just hoped she’d love you back and never shot your shot? Actually, I take it back. Go to the wedding, you deserve to sit at a table where you don’t know anyone and have lousy chicken alfredo before doing the Electric Slide. Ya dink.

Come back tomorrow for more!

Listmas 2018 Schedule
December 19th: Top Ten Favorite Albums of the Year
December 20th: A Brief Inquiry Into 2018
December 21st: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 22nd: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2
December 23rd: The Gibby Fifty (50 favorite songs)
December 26th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 27th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2

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A Brief Inquiry Into 2018

Hello, and welcome back for Day 2 of Listmas 2018!

Today, we’re trying something new. I didn’t do any on-site music writing this year, but I still listened a lot of albums in the meantime, and I wanted to use today as sort of an “album catch up” day. So here’s what I thought of a bunch of albums. Some of them were in the running for the Favorites list, some would have gotten panned. Here we go.

Cardi B – Invasion of Privacy
The question was always going to be “Is Cardi B anything beyond ‘Bodak Yellow?’” and Invasion of Privacy answers with a resounding “yes.” What I like most about this album is that it’s kind of the platonic ideal for a “do everything” debut: there are a few great singles, a handful of spitters where Cardi just goes off (Is “Money Bag” mostly a “Bodak” rewrite? Yes. Does it reeeeally matter? No), and a few slower numbers. Even if it slumps once or twice and “Bartier Cardi” is now more dated than “Pete Davidson,” the guts of Invasion of Privacy hold together as an impressive debut with lots of replayability.

Travis Scott – Astroworld
While Cardi did plenty for herself, Travis Scott also had a banner year with a number one album and a number one song in “Sicko Mode.” Astroworld is Scott’s best yet execution of his “artist as curator” approach where he gets people like, say James Blake and Kid Cudi on the same song and recruits Stevie Wonder to play harmonica, or drafts Pharrell and The Weeknd to sing over a Tame Impala beat, but for me, the whole thing only works in fits and starts. The record feels top heavy, and after “Skeletons,” I tune out almost entirely. Scott can make really pretty music, but a lot of it gets inert, and all the splashy names in the world can’t make something out of nothing. “Stargazer” is a hell of an opener, though.

Image result for a brief inquiry into online relationshipsThe 1975 – A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships
It’s entirely possible that in a month, I’m going to look back and be mad that I’m writing about this one here instead of on the Favorite Albums list. The album certainly has a lot of my favorite songs of the year: “Love It If We Made It” (look at these lyrics and tag yourself–I’m “Unrequited house with seven pools”), “Sincerity is Scary,” and “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” are all top tier, but I just haven’t had time to dig into this thing enough to call it a favorite. While I’m still figuring out where I sit with the acoustic songs, I’ll say that I love The 1975 for being a band that’s successful and has a personality; no other rock band was going to throw a lyric like “POISON ME, DADDY” out there without a trace of irony (and the Genius annotation is wild).

Justin Timberlake – Man of the Woods

 

Drake – Scorpion
You could capture my thoughts on Scorpion with two stretches from intro “Survival” (emphasis added):
I’ve had real Philly niggas try to write my endin’
Takin’ shots with the gold and talk about shots that we sendin’
I’ve had scuffles with bad boys that wasn’t pretendin’
I’ve had too many nights to mention, that’s just the beginnin’
I’m pretty sure we got a label, I‘m still independent
I fell back a hundred times when I don’t get the credit”

“This just a intro, let me not get ahead of myself
This is God’s plan, young man, you said it yourself
Always got a ace up my sleeve for whatever was dealt
Daddy got suits like Bernie Mac, he dresses himself
I stopped askin’ myself and I started feelin’ myself
Now I gotta deal with all this drama and deal with myself
I ain’t even have to cut the tie, it severed itself
This just the intro, let me not get ahead of myself

The Sonder Bombs – Modern Female Rockstar
If we’re talking in terms of enjoyable pop punk this year, it doesn’t get better than the explosive, ukulele-led attack of Modern Female Rockstar. A punchy collection of songs about cutting out bullshit and toxicity (especially as they relate to shitty dudes and a-hole scene “girl with the band” politics) while having the courage and power to live your best life, Modern Female Rockstar matches its most affirming lyrics to its most captivating music; the last minute and a half of “Title” are a must listen. The album finishes with “Twinkle Lights,” just as baring an “I’ve been through some shit and working on it” song that keeps both eyes on the future. Keep an eye out for what this band does next (and speaking of eyes and looking: MFR features some of my favorite cover art of the year).

Black Panther: The Album
The fact that Black Panther: The Album isn’t an unmitigated disaster or a mediocre corporate tie-in would have been enough to call it successful, but it’s actually a pretty great collaboration album on its own. Apperances from big-stage newcomers SOB X RBE and Jorja Smith steal the show, but Khalid and Swae Lee’s “The Ways” and “Opps” are stellar, too, in addition to SZA and K.Dot’s own “All the Stars.” I also want to highlight that “King’s Dead” brings us closest to a universe where Kendrick, Jay Rock, and Future wrote a Disney Villain Song.

The Carters – EVERYTHING IS LOVE
Probably better than you’re remembering, probably not great enough to argue harder for than that. Ideal cocktail party background music, if nothing else.

Kanye West – ye

Kids See Ghosts – Kids See Ghosts
Once you set aside the names involved, you’re left with a project that mostly consists of interesting sketches as opposed to fully realized songs. For people deeply invested in Kid Cudi or Kanye, that might be enough, but otherwise, KSG’s low-stakes “Just fuckin’ around” vibe is both an asset and a liability. It’ll likely go down as an interesting 2018 curio than anything else.

Migos – Culture II
Fun fact: this blurb has fewer characters than there are minutes of the punishingly long Culture II.

Image result for the now nowGorillaz – The Now Now
Well, that’s one way to do course correction, isn’t it? Damon Albarn came back from last year’s collaboration heavy and unfocused Humanz with an aggressively low-stakes but much more enjoyable follow-up. The Now Now would register as just fine were it not for a handful of songs like “Kansas,” “Magic City,” instrumental “Lake Zurich,” and closer “Souk Eye” that prove Albarn and his cartoon band don’t need a gimmick or a guest to make good music, they just have to be.

Cloud Nothings – Last Building Burning
Here’s another way to do course correction: if your attempt at going light didn’t do much for people and you’re one of world’s most kinetic bands, it pays to go slash and burn for an album. Last Building Burning is a collection of haymakers and 360 dunks, and it culminates with “Dissolution,” an 11 minute long track that’s like a Sex Bob-omb song if Stephen Stills and (especially) Kim Pine got to go scorched earth. It rocks.

Snail Mail – Lush
Snail Mail won this year’s Indie Rock Breakthrough Sweepstakes with Lush, which has been routinely topping or placing high on year-end lists, and was inescapable for a stretch this summer. I like it (“Heatwave” and “Full Control” are the biggest keepers), but it seems just a little too boilerplate indie rock to really jump off the page for me. I’m interested to see where they go from here.

The Voidz – Virtue
The only Strokes criticism that really seemed to get to Julian Casablancas was that they were boring, and his side gig The Voidz have consequently been an attempt to be Not Boring by way of leaning hard into outre concepts and a lotta scuzzy noise rock. Virtue splits the difference in a big way: on one hand, it has 4 or 5 stunning all-timers on the other hand, I don’t think I’ve made it through the whole thing in one sitting. Take it or leave it.

Jeff Rosenstock – POST- and Antarctigo Vespucci – Love in the Time of E-Mail
Image result for post jeff rosenstockBoth of these were in the running at different points for the Favorite Albums list. Rosenstock followed up his 2017 punk mishmash masterpiece WORRY. with an album that tempered WORRY.’s jittery optimism with a battered persistence and more anthemic songs. “USA” was the year’s first “holy shit” rocker, and no one other than Rosenstock would attempt a hungover, loosely psychedelic crooner like “TV Stars.” It’s just a great album for when you feel tired of shit but still gotta keep on powering through, and I think that registered for a lot of people this year.

Rosenstock also partnered with indie singer-songwriter/immortal human being Chris Farren for a new album with their outfit Antarctigo Vespucci this year. AV’s music could most accurately be described as surf rock power pop that grapples with romance and insecurity, and this year’s Love in the Time of E-Mail is no different; like their last two albums, it’s a delight. These guys pair well: Farren gives Jeff’s music that extra little bit of sweetness, and Rosenstock’s frayed guitars cut Farren with a little instability he otherwise lacks. This time around, they run out of oomph before closing with “Lifelike,” but even if it doesn’t quite match up to the last record Leavin’ La Vida Loca, it’s still solid.

Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino
I already think this album’s destined for “Misunderstood” status. After the immediately accessible (although for me, always kind of so-so) AM, Arctic Monkeys came back with an album about a washed-up lounge singer and the lunar hotel where he wastes away. The record falls into a mid-section lull, but also has one of the year’s best tone-setting openers, and “One Point Perspective” is as charming a song Alex Turner’s ever written. Aesthetic has done a lot for Arctic Monkeys in the ‘10s, and continues to do so here; I think the overall feel of this one does it a lot of favors (also: between TBHaC, Carly Rae Jepsen, Father John Misty, and Drew Goddard, hotels had a hell of a year).

Listmas 2018 Schedule
December 19th: Top Ten Favorite Albums of the Year
December 20th: A Brief Inquiry Into 2018
December 21st: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 22nd: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2
December 23rd: The Gibby Fifty (50 favorite songs)
December 26th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 27th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2

 

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Top Ten Favorite Albums of 2018

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP EVERYBODY??

Hi there! You might have noticed that Ranting About Music took the year off. We’re sorry about that. But, as per usual, we’re back for Listmas, starting with the favorite albums of the year, so let’s dig in.

2018 wasn’t a bad year for music–we’ll get to that–but it certainly felt tepid more than a few times. On one hand, people like Cardi B and Snail Mail had breakout years, but then you also had plenty of artists who wiffed or ran in place. Like, Beyonce and Jay-Z did revelatory work in 2016 and 2017; this year, their joint album feels like a pleasant afterthought. I worried once or twice about not having enough albums to even make a top ten favorites list, but when it got time to put names to spaces, I found myself making a lot of painful cuts.

Usual disclaimer: These are my ten favorite records of the year, not the ten best records of the year (although I’d argue there’s plenty of overlap). Music writer Steven Hyden always refers to his favorite albums list as “what he obsessed over this year,” and here are my ten little obsessions with a full Listmas calendar at the end.

10. [TIE] The Wonder Years – Sister Cities & Joyce Manor – Million Dollars to Kill Me
I put these two together because they trigger the same reaction in me: band evolution is beautiful.

Image result for the wonder years sister citiesIn 2013, The Wonder Years released their fourth album, The Greatest Generation, which, to me, is the The Dark Knight of pop punk: there’s no way you will ever put these parts together and get a result this incredible ever again. And, instead of trying to climb that mountain again, The Wonder Years tried something different with next record No Closer to Heaven, a slowburner that pushed lead songwriter Dan Campbell’s writing further outward while his voice took on a new layer of nuance and held my attention, even if it wasn’t as acclaimed (if we’re keeping the Chris Nolan comparison alive, NCTH is probably the band’s Interstellar).

There’s no Nolan equivalent to Sister Cities, but the album’s damn cinematic on its own. No Closer to Heaven’s towering nature stuck around, but the band sounds more confident and potent this time around: just listen to the maelstrom on thundering opener “Raining in Kyoto,” the bombed out quiet of “When the Blue Finally Came,” or how they torch the title track. The Wonder Years have been a sneakily accomplished musical group since at least Suburbia, I’ve Given You All and Now I’m Nothing, but they even kick that up a notch here with the album’s arrangements. And Campbell, who has grown leaps and bounds as a vocalist, does some of his best, most expressive work on Sister Cities, making the most of his upper register and losing none of his intensity (the way he sings “I’m helpless and you’re drowning” on the bridge of “Pyramids of Salt,” combined with the guitar lead that sounds like an outstretched hand afterward, is just crushing). Is it all “pop punk” in the strictest sense? Well, if not, I’d argue The Wonder Years aren’t the problem; if Sister Cities isn’t a pop punk album, it’s only because so few pop punk bands would dream this big.

Image result for million dollars to kill meJoyce Manor, meanwhile, might not have been dreaming “big” per se with Million Dollars to Kill Me, but like their previous album Cody, this one plays the long game despite being about as lengthy as an episode of The Good Place. Joyce Manor lean further into power pop territory than out and out pop punk or emo for their fifth record, but the result is a surprisingly robust set of songs with tunes that are immediately catchy (“Think I’m Still in Love With You” grabs on the first listen and never lets go) and ones that pull you in over the span of a few listens until you can’t get them out of your head (“Big Lie,” “Up the Punx”), and there’s a delicate balance here of conventional and screwball choices that really helps the entire album gel. There’s a renewed focus on melody through Million Dollars to Kill Me that stays intact from the hardest rockers to the sunny jangle of closer “Wildflower,” and as always, the band proves that short doesn’t mean sloppy with their exacting arrangements and song choices. While MDtKM might not be the lightning in a bottle outing that earlier records like Never Hungover Again were, I think it’s one of the most loopable albums of the year, and handily one of their best.

9. The Pom-Poms – The Pom-Poms – EP
The Pom-Poms are a collaborative effort from wife and husband duo Kitty (formerly Kitty Pryde, currently part of American Pleasure Club) and Sam Ray (formerly of Teen Suicide, currently American Pleasure Club and Ricky Eat Acid). I could tell you their 16 minute EP is a cocktail of raved up pop that has some of best production each of them have done to date, I could tell you that it slaps so hard that it’s categorically impossible to listen to at low volumes, I could tell you it’s fun (which is surprisingly hard to do in music!), orrrrr I could let Kitty’s cheerleader brat lyrics do the talking:

“Check out my boyfriend and my other boyfriend/And his other girlfriend and her other boyfriend!”

“I don’t really know what I said, got’em bitter like a lemond rind/Ever since I showed’em my bread, they decided it was peanut butter jelly time”

“They see my pics and never let it go/like, ‘scandalous!’/I read that shit and LMFAO, I’m in Miami, bitch!”

“I GOT YOUR BITCH IN MY SEWING CIRCLE, I’M TEACHING HER STUFF/SO WHEN WE RIP YOU TO PIECES, THEN WE CAN STITCH YOU BACK UP/I GOT YOUR GIRL IN THE FRONT SEAT, I PASS HER THE AUX/AND LET HER DEEEEJAAAAY SHE CAN PLAY WHATEVER SHE WANTS/I GOT YOUR GIRL IN PILATES WITH ME, I’M STRETCHING HER OUT/SO SHE’LL KNOW HOW TO FLEX ON YOU WHEN YOU LET HER DOWN”

Image result for sweetener album cover8. Ariana Grande – Sweetener
Sweetener is where it all starts working for Ariana Grande. Her first two post-Nickelodeon albums were fine but prone to bouts of anonymousness and even her best singles were held back by the lack of the last little something that makes pop magical. But Sweetener makes the leap in no small part because of her producer choices here: Max Martin and Grande’s usual collaborators show up for singles and a few synth numbers toward the end of the album, but Pharrell takes over for most of the album cuts, which lets Martin et. al focus on the big hits. And somehow, it’s Pharrell of all people who helps Grande most; she sounds natural on their collaborations like “R.E.M.” and “Borderline,” and these deep cuts kept me coming back just as much as the singles did.

But Grande herself is singular here than she’s ever been before, as Sweetener digs into her life. It does that by addressing a pair of incredibly divergent real life events: Grande’s whirlwind engagement to Pete Davidson and the terrorist attack at her Manchester concert and the subsequent toll it took on her mental health. You’d expect Sweetener to go heavy on somber ballads, especially with a lead single called “No Tears Left to Cry,” but the song itself is a glitzy disco jam with a UK garage beat, and Grande examines her anxiety with a driving pop skyscraper and a bouncing R&B number, and all of it feels true to life. Sweetener captures a life in a turbulent moment (Grande is literally upside down on the cover), and while it knows about those impossibly crushing lows, it’s resilient enough to still chase the highs.

Image result for noname7. noname – Room 25
The opening line on room 25 is “Maybe this the album you listen to in your car when you drivin’ home late at night,” and damn if that doesn’t set the tone Chicago rapper noname’s debut record. Particularly in a year laden with triplet flows, the ubiquitous “mumble rap,” and yowling SoundCloud rappers, noname’s hushed, almost whispered introvert flows pull you in with a mix of precise but approachable delivery and a lot of “Wait, did she just say…” writing (my favorite go-to example: “My pussy wrote a thesis on colonialism”). The album casts a wide subject matter net, too, going from writerly boasting to race relations to mortality to good sex on a song-to-song basis, and noname’s deliberate cadances are backed by lush, detailed soul-based beats that aren’t afraid to sound pretty (“Regal”) but aren’t afraid to grit their either, either (“Part of Me”). room 25 is the sound of a person and an artist coming into their own, and it demands not to be just be played, but to be listened to. It’ll reward you, I promise.

Image result for beach house 76. Beach House – 7
Beach House have always been a tastemakers’ pick, with their immaculately made, delicately performed version of dreamy indie pop. This is great, because they’re consistently rewarding (even if it took until 2015’s Depression Cherry for me to catch on), but their own consistency and dedication to one sound can be used against them: I’ve seen cracks like, “My favorite Beach House song is the midtempo, twinkling, sighing one.” Their seventh album is their most varied to date without sacrificing any of their empyreal qualities; look no further than the early 3 song run of “Lemon Glow,” “L’Inonnue,” and “Drunk in LA” to see how Beach House sounds after adding live drums and electronics to their palette. These additions keep with the band’s tastemaker status, but they also result in some their darkest, most captivating songs–”Drunk in LA” is a cut of Blade Runner or Annihilation sci-fi, “Dive” has a sustained eruption of soft-touch guitars and drums, and “Woo” is perfect synth-pop. But you don’t have to take my word for it, just ask The Chainsmokers.

Image result for awakebutstillinbed5. Awakebutstillinbed – what people call low self-esteem is really just seeing yourself the way that other people see you
This is the debut album for San Jose emo band awakebutstillinbed, and it caught such fire as a self release that they were almost immediately picked up by renowned punk/emo label Tiny Engines, who put the album in wider release. It’s that good. Probably the nearest point of comparison for what people call low self-esteem…is The Hotelier’s second album Home, Like Noplace Is There: both albums exist in a constant state of emotional and mental health crises, both worry about others as much as themselves, both Holden Christian and awakebutstillinbed band leader Shannon Taylor sing and scream like their traumas are barbed wire twisted around the inside of their throats, both include funerals, and despite the crisis-level reckoning in the storytelling, both have a remarkable number of bangers (“Fathers,” for instance, talks about unlearning inherited traumas and flaws like it’s an episode of The Haunting of Hill House, but musically, it sounds like a revved up early Green Day track). In case the band and album names weren’t a tip off, self-esteem can be a lot, and I can understand where Taylor’s voice–an untrained but vibrant torrent of singing, shouts, and screams–can be a dealbreaker, but when you’re addressing a dead friend with questions like, “Why can’t we undo everything? Why can’t we fix ourselves?” and “Why is there so much wrong with us?” wouldn’t you be screaming, too?

4.Mitski – Be the Cowboy
Be the Cowboy is a headphones album.

Image result for be the cowboyNot the in traditional sense that it’s filled with a bunch of small intricacies that can only be appreciated on a careful listen (although if you’re looking for some of the year’s most intelligent indie rock, this is it), but in the sense that such a solitary album requires solitary listening. Be the Cowboy is ostensibly an “on the road” album, but gets there by a circuitous route: Mitski’s outsider protagonist has to be as self-reliant and self-determined as a cowboy while they wander like one from place to place, but instead of focusing on concrete details like highway exits and roadside diners, Mitski’s brief songs and askew lyrics mimic the mental state of a long trip, where you start interrogating old thoughts and relationships, jumping from subject to subject in the span of a few minutes. And then, there’s album centerpiece, the fully-formed disco heartbreaker “Nobody.” I took my first trip out west this year, and after a week, I was kind of done and had to grab new headphones at the airport on my way home. I decided to use “Nobody” to test them out, and man, listening to a song about longing for human connection or even just a body while packed in one of America’s busiest airports just wrecked me. Be the Cowboy is full of that kind of examination, and as part of a three album run, establishes Mitski as an indie mainstay that’s more than your best American girl.

Image result for a whole fucking lifetime of this3. American Pleasure Club – A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This
Sam Ray has been on an absolute tear. The rechristened/reborn version of Teen Suicide, American Pleasure Club put out a hodgepodge of singles, seven inches, and tapes this year with Run For Cover release A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This serving as both an anchor and one of Ray’s crowning achievements. It actually took me a while to get into AWFLoT; I missed the sprawling nature of Teen Suicide’s swansong record (comparatively, AWFLoT is less than half the songs in about half the time), but I eventually saw that this is a culmination of everything Ray and company have done before. “This Is Heaven and I’d Die For It” sounds like early Weezer with a suboxone script, and is every yearning squall of guitars Ray’s written put in one, and tracks like “Sycamore,” “There Was a Time When I Needed It,” and “New Years Eve” encapsulate most of TS’s earlier output. Meanwhile, Ray’s more experimental side comes through with the drum n bass cut “Just a Mistake,” the soundscape of “Seemed the Whole World Was Lost,” and especially on the crestfallen, Frank Ocean sampling “Let’s Move to the Desert.” If A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This sounds like a new lease on life, that’s because it is, and there’s no more sublime expression of Ray’s newfound bliss than the robo-piano ballad “Eating Cherries” with Kitty, who married Ray in 2016. Thanks to an early release date, this is probably the album on here that I’ve listened to most, and every time, it’s made me eager whatever American Pleasure Club does next.

Image result for dirty computer2. Janelle Monae – Dirty Computer
Janelle Monae’s third album is probably the one on this list I’ve thought about the most. Dirty Computer almost feels like a side step from her Metropolis saga and the exploits of ArchAndroid and Electric Lady Cindi Mayweather for an album that’s closer and truer to who Monae is as a person; during the release cycle for Dirty Computer, she came out as pansexual. This was important to Monae and really seemed to mean a lot in wider queer communities (I saw Monae live earlier this year about a week and a half after Pride month ended, and the concert was like a boomlet Pride itself in terms of how joyful people looked to freely be themselves), and yet, I couldn’t help but marvel at how a queer reading of Monae’s work has always been, at least in my opinion, readily apparent. You can’t really get around a song like “Cold War,” with a line that leaps off the page like “I was made to believe there’s something wrong with me,” or “Q.U.E.E.N.” which straight up asks “Am I a freak because I love watching Mary?” without at least thinking “Y’know, maybe this isn’t all about robots,” and while not all art has to include autobiography, there was at least enough evidence that the androids could be allegorical for a queer experience.

Seeing Monae perform Dirty Computer live is what sealed its place for me. Hearing the gigantic thump of “Take a Byte,” that wondrous “Don’t Judge Me” outro, and the flip from “Screwed” into “Django Jane” (which, “Django Jane” itself, holy shit) in person was an eye-opening experience. But it was the encore finale of “American” that really got me: on record, it’s a rousing finisher, but in concert, you can feel Monae tapping into whatever she’s got left for “Love me baby, love me for who I am!” that gives the song some extra grit and push that’s otherwise missing. Cindi and Janelle have always been living, breathing beings; now, they’re achieving synthesis.

1. Foxing – Nearer My God
Side 1, track one, one minute and thirty-seven seconds in. That’s when Nearer My God grabs you by the neck and tells you that rock band Foxing really means it this time as “Grand Paradise” has a drop with massive bass, apocalyptic drums, and flanged guitars that sound like lightning. This same song features a drum machine, a piano-lead pre-chorus, gang vocals, a background screamo wail, and I’m pretty sure I hear strings at one point. And yet it all works.

Nearer My God is, at its heart, an alternative rock record. We can sit here and debate genre tags all day (the strident emo kids say it isn’t emo, everyone currently lamenting indie’s fallen place in the world says it is), but when all’s said and done, this is a record that takes a bunch of cues from ideas that shouldn’t work and matches them all to impossibly big hooks and guitars that are all interwoven so that each disparate piece strengthens the whole. It’s the kind of record that has room for large hearted stadium rock like the title track and impossibly screwy Radiohead-esque songs like “Gameshark,” a nine-minute meditation on death that stretches out like a National anthem, a beautiful, goth rock show-stopper and somehow none of those are a weak point. Similar to last year’s AOTY Everybody Works, part of what I love about Nearer My God is how I’ve heard this album by so many bands before where the whole thing falls apart because they just added a drum loop or made a long song without a purpose, but here, decisions that seem nuts on the surface are exactly what was needed (also helping NMG and EW: amazing sequencing). Anyone who’s ever liked a rock album with even a little character to it would find at least something here they’ll like, so if you haven’t heard it, do yourself a favor. Hell, I’ll even link you to my favorite to get started.

Listmas 2018 Schedule
December 19th: Top Ten Favorite Albums of the Year
December 20th: A Brief Inquiry Into 2018
December 21st: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 22nd: Top Ten Worst Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2
December 23rd: The Gibby Fifty (50 favorite songs)
December 26th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 1
December 27th: Top Ten Best Pop Hits of the Year, pt. 2

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Listmas Odds and Ends 2017

Hello everyone! Welcome to our final little day here at Listmas 2017 at Ranting About Music! We’re gonna close on a fairly light but very list-y day today with some superlatives and awards before coming back in January; think of it as the after-show or something. Listmas was a lot of fun, and, as always, thanks for reading. There might be a small thing or two that goes up before the end of the year if I get an idea, but otherwise, we’ll see you back in January. May you get lots of new music you love for the holidays!
-Blake G.

Favorite Albums That Just Missed the List
White Reaper – World’s Best American Band
Katie Ellen – Cowgirl Blues
Lana Del Rey – Lust For Life
Worriers – Survival Pop
LCD Soundsystem – American Dream

The Annual “I Meant to Listen to This and Didn’t, So Watch Me Fall For It In Like, April” Award
Big Thief – Capacity
Bjork – Utopia
Oso Oso – The Yunahon Mixtape
BROCKHAMPTON – SATURATION II

“I Forgot I Even Reviewed This Album Until I Saw It On People’s Lists” Album: The xx – I See You

Most Overrated Album: Lorde – Melodrama
Most Underrated Album: Jay Som – Everybody Works

Most Protracted Album Rollouts in Ascending Order:
3. Arcade Fire – Everything Now
2. Taylor Swift – reputation
1. Father John Misty – Pure Comedy

Most Protracted Album Rollout That People Swore Was Actually Fun, You Guys: Pure Comedy

Most Protracted Album Rollout That Didn’t Even Have the Damn Decency to Come Through With Good Songs Like “So It Goes…” or “Electric Blue”: Pure Comedy

Favorite Album Cover: Kitty – Miami Garden Club

Favorite Concerts
5. Joyce Manor with AJJ and Mannequin Pussy
4. Foo Fighters with The Struts
3. Cherry Glazerr with Mannequin Pussy and Leggy
2. Green Day
1. Arcade Fire with The Breeders

Best of the Pretty Good (Considered for the Best Hits List)
“Unforgettable” by French Montana ft. Swae Lee (live by Montana, die by Montana)
“T-Shirt” by Migos
“Havana” by Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug (although it may make it next year)
“Malibu” by Miley Cyrus (a dopey song, to be sure, but the backing vocals on the chorus are great)

Worst of the Eh (Considered for the Worst Hits List)
“Rolex” by Ayo & Teo (almost grabbed “Everyday We Lit”’s spot, but at least “Rolex” sounds better loud)
“Cold” by Maroon 5 ft. Future
“Bad Things” by Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello
“Swalla” by Jason DeRulo ft. Ty Dollar $ign and Nicki Minaj (does anyone get bailed out as often as Jason DeRulo? Does anyone deserve it less?)

Best Number 1 Hit: “Black Beatles” by Rae Sremmurd ft. Gucci Mane

Best Number 1 Hit if I’m Not Cheating by Including a Song Culturally Tied to 2016 That Bounced Back for a Week in January: “HUMBLE.” by Kendrick Lamar

Worst Number 1 Hit: “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran (while “Look What You Made Me Do” ranked higher on the Worst list, “Shape of You” was infinitely more insufferable as a number one)

Worst Number 1 Hit That Didn’t Make the Worst List: “Rockstar” by Post Malone ft. 21 21 21

Peak 2017 Number 1 Hit: Also “Rockstar” by Post Malone. Hail Big Algorithm.

2017 Emerging Pop Presence Award: Camila Cabello and Post Malone (tied; Malone seems like a short game winner, Cabello could be playing the long game)

Most Likely to Be a Vegas Resident in 2019 After This Year’s Comeback Attempt: Katy Perry. The “bon appetit” jokes write themselves!

“You Succeeded This Year, But I Don’t Know If You Won” Award: Ed Sheeran

Listmas 2017 Schedule
12/14: Favorite Albums
12/15: The Gibby Fifty (50 Favorite Songs)
12/16: Top Ten Best Hits of 2017 (pt. 1)
12/17: Top Ten Best Hits of 2017 (pt. 2)
12/18: Top Ten Worst Hits of 2017 (pt. 1)
12/19: Top Ten Worst Hits of 2017 (pt. 2)
12/20: The Year In Rant/Odds and Ends

 

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