Radio Rant: One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful

Posted on April 16, 2012 by bgibs122

Hello, and welcome to Radio Rants. Who am I dealing with this time?

. . . yay. Well, after embarrassing myself up and down last week by admitting that “Call Me Maybe” might be my favorite pop song of the year so far, I only thought it fair to handle another slice of teen pop today.

Much like previous Radio Rantee’s The Wanted, One Direction is a motley crew of photogenic (although not ridiculously so) lads from Britain strung together to be a boy band. Rather transparently, too; apparently after they all bombed the solo Male Singer of The X Factor, one of the judges suggested they form a band for the “Groups” category. So yes, this group owes their existence to the same strategy that Will Ferrell used in Blades of Glory. But, anyway, after being Big in Britain, they’ve finally started to breakthrough in America with “What Makes You Beautiful”.

So, speaking of the song, I hope you like that I-IV-V surf rock guitar riff because the music in “What Makes You Beautiful” never strays from it. The guitar tone might change, some synths might be brought in, and there might be drums everywhere, but that ubiquitous chord progression is this song. Or maybe I just think that because the production on this song is terrible, even by Overproduced Pop Song standards. Once this song gets to the chorus, I imagine Simon Cowell sitting with the producers at the soundboard telling them to crank it higher and higher. And I’m not even music snob/audiophiling this one; if you put the official YouTube video of “What Makes You Beautiful” next to the video for any other pop song,  you’re going to hear this one more every time. It’s the audio equivalent of Michael Bay’s super high contrast Transformers, where they sky was blue and the characters were orange.

Credit where it’s due, though, the guys in One Direction don’t sound too shabby. Even if they’re compressed to the point of clipping on the chorus, they sound strong together, and it’s pretty clear to tell where one Preppy British Teen With Too Much Hair Product stops and where another Preppy British Teen With Too Much Hair Product begins. Would I want to listen to any of them for a whole album? Probably not, but at least they sound like convincing pop stars. The dude that gets the bridge does an especially nice job.

Unfortunately, “What Makes You Beautiful” is another self-esteem booster to preteen girls who need British boys to tell them they feel pretty. What makes it stand out, though, is how transparent 1D is about it.

“You’re insecure/Don’t know what for” Uh, hair color, hair style, body size, body shape, acne/lack thereof, how the smile looks, skin tone, eyelash length, arm hair color, shoe choice, nose shape…take your pick. But, enough about me.

“Being the way that you are is eno-o-o-ough” In other words, you’re amazing just the way you are.

“The way that you flip your hair gets me so overwhelmed” I love the way you do that minor personality tic! Oh, it’s so adorable when you blink! “But when you smile at the ground, it ain’t hard to tell” So the whole band is into Shrinking Violets?

“You don’t know you’re beautiful/That’s what makes you beautiful” I’m sure that this is meant to mean that because you’re so humble, you’re beautiful, but based on other lines, it reads as “We find your insecurities sexy”, which has a predatory vibe to it. Combine that with “If you only saw what I can see/You’ll understand why I want you so desperately”, and it sounds more like “Well, think what you want, but I think you’re attractive, and that’s what sells here”. That, and there’s something about “You don’t know you’re beautiful” that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall, “What Makes You Beautiful” doesn’t take with me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s catchy in all the right ways after a few listens, and One Direction sounds like they know what they’re doing. But the song smacks of being too smug for its own good, and the production is so harsh and clipped that it’s just not fun to listen to. Kind of ugly, actually.

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Radio Rant: Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

Posted on April 9, 2012 by bgibs122

Hello, and welcome to Radio Rants! Today, we’re looking at a song by a Zooey Deschanel lookalike.

No, not that one. This one.

Yeah, there we go. Carly Rae Jepsen. Before appearing out of nowhere in America, it turns out that Jepsen took a generous 3rd place on a season of Canadian Idol. After releasing what (based on one of the singles) seems to be an ok pop album, she rode that album’s singles into semi-obscurity the way that most Idol 3rd-placers do. But then she released “Call Me Maybe” from her new EP Curiosity, and now she’s found a place on the American charts. And it turns out that the reason “Call Me Maybe” is getting so much attention is that it was noticed by Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. I can’t think of a less-enticing promo.

Anyway, the song starts with some canned plucked strings and a drum before Jepsen starts singing. The song’s basic instrumentation is pretty much a pop rock set, but the production’s extra shiny, and the disco strings on the chorus make a little extra dancey. In fact, the burst-fire strings/guitar riff in the chorus just makes things that much more catchy. Add in that the beat never really gives up, and it’s tough to stay still during “Call Me Maybe”.

While we’re at it, “Call me, maybe” is one of the clumsiest title I’ve heard in awhile. I know that this threatens to drift into Grammar Nazi levels of nitpicking, but anytime I see the song’s title as-is, I want to call Carly Rae Jepsen “Maybe”. Hell, maybe she’s trying to make a nickname, since I still can’t call her maybe name to mind without help. I know it’s supposed to mean “Call me, maybe?” like “Maybe you’ll call?” but something about it just doesn’t take.

Then again, most of these lyrics don’t. “I threw a wish in the well” What, does Canada have a coin called a “wish”? “Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell” Funny, I think the military got rid of that one. “I looked to you as it fell/And now you’re in my way” What it, what are you talking about? Honest question: is English her first language?

“I trade my soul for a wish/pennies and dimes for a kiss” Nope, I guess Canada does call them pennies…

“Your stare was holdin’/ripped jeans, skin was showing” Would you like some silly dreams with those ripped up jeans?

“I beg, borrow, and steal/at first sight, and it’s real” What “it”? You can’t just throw phrases in without explaining what they relate to. Again: Is she French Canadian?

I could riff on every line of the first and second verses, but you get the idea. Then we have the chorus: “Hey, I just met you/And this is crazy/But here’s my number/So call me, maybe?” I…hm, that’s actually not terrible. What else is in the chorus? “And all the other boys/Try to chase me/But here’s my number/So call me, maybe?” Ok, fine, credit where it’s due: the chorus lyrics do a great job at describing that feeling of when you find a crush; this is the person you want, no matter who else comes knocking.

So with occasionally insightful but really dumb lyrics, hyper-glossy production, a dopey-dumb title, and being almost too bubblegum pop to exist, I fully expected to hate this one.

…and yet…

I can’t get “Call Me Maybe” out of my head. On most objective levels (and some subjective ones), it’s a crummy song, but it won me over. In addition to being catchy beyond belief, it’s also…how do I put this…too nice to hate. It’s like trying to yell at a little kid for being too wide-eyed and happy, part of you just can’t go through with it. Honestly, the best way to avoid getting caught by “Call Me Maybe”‘s addictive hook is to just avoid the song altogether. It’s a tooth and brain-rottingly sugary song with tons of lyrical fumbles and a puddle-deep meaning, but Jepsen sounds like she’s having fun, and is a solid singer to boot. Is it souless? Probably, but “Call Me Maybe” is too infectious and fun to take down. And considering how it’s been moving up the charts, I’m not the only one that thinks so.

Speaking of charts, this week’s Top 10 has to be the most interesting one I’ve seen since I started Radio Rants (when it looked like this). I’m not going to say that club pop’s dead or anything, but the stranglehold it had on the charts is letting up (as is that of Adele, who is consciously absent from this week’s Top 10). But with as much bubblegum pop as club pop at the top of the charts, not to mention bizarre indie success stories fun. and Gotye, a new sound is taking over.

I need to go listen to some music you’ve never heard of to make myself feel better, yeesh.

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Album Review: Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded

Posted on April 6, 2012 by bgibs122

Nicki Minaj’s main struggle as an artist hasn’t been finding a voice, but finding out how to have her multiple voices gel together. On one hand, she built a fanbase around the “mixtape Nicki” of Beam Me Up, Scotty, and her first showstopper moment was her verse on “Monster”, where she upstaged an already solid Kayne and Jay-Z. At the same time, “Super Bass” was the commercial smash pop song that put her fanbase through the roof, and caused this to happen. So how do you reconcile the cypher-spitting rapper and the pink pop star?

Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded offers up a simple but ambitious answer: you don’t. This 19 track, 69 minute album makes more sense if you consider it as a double album. The unofficial “first disc” runs from the start until “Champion” with disc 2 opening with “Starships” (pretend that the two cuts between those, “Right By My Side” and “Sex in the Lounge”, are bonus tracks or something). It’s the only logical explanation.

The “Roman disc” opens with “Roman Holiday”, aka “That weird not-quite song Nicki did at the Grammys”. While not bad, the song feels like it’s trying to cram too many elements in for any one of them to take off: the whole “Roman” concept, the theatric production, and Minaj’s less than stellar performance on the track make Roman Reloaded a hard sell. But then, she spends the next six songs in rare form that not only sells this album, but more than justifies Minaj’s place as one of the modern hip-hop giants.

“Come on a Cone” to “Champions” aren’t just successful because Nicki raps on them, but because her rap on them is solid. She chews through “Come on a Cone”, jumping between hysterics on the chorus, rise and fall cadences on the verses, and left-field (and absurdly hilarious) moment where she sings “Ooooh, dick in your face” a few times. She leads a three-MC assault with Rick Ross and Cam’ron on “I Am Your Leader”. Then there’s “Beez In the Trap”, where minimal production creates a menacing atmosphere for Nicki to give her most confident (and best) performance on the disc. More than any of the other songs on PF:Roman Reloaded, it proves that Minaj is hear to stay. Next up is “Beez in the Trap”‘s polar opposite in the excellent “Hov Lane”, where the production and Nicki go manic.

The “Roman disc” finally proves one of Minaj’s criticisms wrong: that she can’t work on her own. In fact, some of her best performances (“Come on a Cone” and “Hov Lane”) are her going solo, and when guests show up on “I Am Your Leader” and “Beez in the Trap”, they never upstage her. The group cut on “Champion” (who’s beat I guarantee will be on a mixtape somewhere by year’s end) with Drake, Young Jeezy, and Nas feels like an actual group collaboration; no one walks away owning the track (for better and worse). Weirdly enough, the only collaboration that doesn’t really take off is the title cut with Lil Wayne, which feels too much like a deliberate single to work (gimmicky gun cock production, weak hook, etc.). Overall, the first seven songs on Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded could make for a 4 or 4 and a half star album/EP/mixtape/what have you.

The two buffer songs between the “Roman” and “Pink” sides of Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded aren’t anything to write home about. “Right By My Side” features a vocoder as Chris Brown, and sounds like any other Chris Brown urban radio single. Other possible urban radio single is the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Lonely Island” sensuality-fail that is “Sex In The Lounge” featuring (who else but) Lil Wayne. The two songs feel unnecessary, but in retrospect, make for an easier transition from “Roman” to “Pink”.

Hell, even with them, it’s weird to hear something as superficial as “Starships” after what we’ve heard so far. And “Starships”, despite being a little slapped together and overstuffed, is still the best of these. Lady Gaga producer RedOne jumps in the production chair for “Starships” and the three songs after it, and other radio-makers Dr. Luke and J.R. Rotem enter the mix as well. And, in the interest of fairness, none of the songs on “Pink” are explicitly bad (well, maybe “Beautiful Sinner”), but they’re purely disposable fluff. Minaj loses the commanding presence she had on “Beez in the Trap”, and is reduced to being the producer’s plaything like any Rihanna, Jason Derulo, or Katy Perry.

The problem with the “Pink disc” isn’t that it’s pop–“Super Bass” was a great song, but that it’s thoughtless and simply not as good as the “Roman disc”. “Pound the Alarm”, “Whip It”, “Young Forever”, and “Automatic” are more unnecessary than terrible; even after hearing them plenty of times, the hooks barely stick, and the lyrics aren’t worth remembering. It also goes on entirely too long; imagining Pink Friday: Roman Relodad as a double album helps justify the length (Young Money, hire a damn editor: length keeps hurting your albums), but half an hour of redundant pop songs that would be on another pop star’s cutting room floor is simply too much. Just because people can delete the songs they don’t like doesn’t mean release subpar songs. It tarnishes the fantastic first half of the album.

In the end, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded is both a thrilling and exhausting record, the only problem being that there’s almost zero overlay between the two. After almost half an hour of putting up some of her best rapping and saying she won’t go pop, Minaj goes the poppiest she’s ever been. Giving side 2 more time in R&D could have made PF:RR a masterpiece, but as is, it only sinks in its own mess: three out of five stars.

tl;dr: Mixtape Nicki and Pop Nicki collide. Mixtape Nicki wins, 3/5.

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Radio Rant(s): Young Money Madness

Posted on April 3, 2012 by bgibs122

Hello, and welcome to Radio Rants! Hm, I haven’t done a multi-Rant in awhile, and with nothing really commanding my attention on the charts…fuck it, Young Money takeover. No other pop label has the instant brand recognition that Lil Wayne’s Cash Money imprint shares, and as of writing this, there are a bunch of Young Money tracks on the Hot 100. So hey, why not get’em all? Let’s start at the top!

5. Nicki Minaj – Starships 
I can’t view this song without a bit of cynicism. It’s catchy and fun, but I feel like it’s also Nicki going back for the commercial appeal of “Super Bass” after those first Roman Reloaded singles didn’t do so well. Nicki’s verses (especially the first one) are fun, but sound a little slapped together, and the song jumps moods too often to be smooth. But overall, “Starships” is still stronger than most pop rap singles, so I can’t complain too much.

9. Drake feat. Rihanna – Take Care
So I heard you like Drake, America. And if you don’t like Drake, then I’m sorry, because out of nine songs in today’s Radio Rant, he appears in four. “Take Care” is the strongest of the bunch. The song’s an improvement over the last Drake/Rihanna collab on last year’s “What’s My Name”; here, Rihanna has a surprisingly nuanced performance, and Drake blends his rapping and singing abilities almost seamlessly. Add in Jamie xx’s echoy production, and I’m surprised this one’s charted this high. Not a bad thing, though.

10. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – Turn Me On
More Young Money, and I’m not even out of the Top 10 yet. Technically not a YM release, but Nicki Minaj is the main performer so hey, close enough. “Turn Me On” is Nicki’s second appearance on D.Guetta’s sloppy Nothing But the Beat project, and shows her doing a stellar job in pop diva mode. D.Guetta’s production is solid club pop as always, but Minaj makes that chorus her own. No clue what the hell that video’s about, though. This has been a pretty painless exercise so far.

17. Drake feat. Lil Wayne – The Motto 
…oh, goddammit. Drake, c’mon, you just proved that you were above hollow bass/snare/handclap boring boast shit like this. This wasn’t even on Take Care, it’s one of the digital bonus singles, a trend I’m noticing especially from the YMCMB group (“Super Bass” got the same non-album-single treatment). Anyway, Drake does nothing special here, and Lil Wayne has his same gross-out, Freudian bullshit going on (“Almost drowned in her pussy, so I swam to her butt”). And can we talk about how dumb YOLO sounds as a trying-to-make-it-happen acronym? The whole “you only live once” thing is a “duh” sentiment, and YOLO just sounds like you fucked up pronouncing yellow. I’m disappointed, Drake. And speaking of disappointment…

22. Tyga – Rack City
It’s April of 2012, and “Rack City” is still a shitty song. I already ranted on this one a few months ago, and if anything, it’s gotten worse since then. That 8th note clap effect, the so-so hook, Tyga’s total smug jackass front, and the song’s complete lack of likability just sink this one for me; it might be one of the worst songs of the year so far. At the same time, like a lot of Young Money material, it sticks with you in some fascinating way that’s not good, but not horrible, either. Thankfully, it’s mercifully short at 2:30. I think this is the last we’ll ever hear fro–

64. Tyga feat. Lil Wayne – Faded
Oh, fuck me, more Tyga? And he’s with Wayne this time, great. Hey, if you drink every time Tyga says “faded”, soon you will be, too. Is “Faded” better than “Rack City”? Well, it’s got more production tricks, and Tyga actually has a flow, so kind of? At the same, he’s got some laughably bad lines (“The gun Selena, give a nigga Beiber Fever”, the hardest invocation of The Biebs on a rap track). And Lil Wayne’s here again, in eyerolling “my dick’s big, and I love pussy while hating what it’s attached to” mode. On some weird level, “Faded” might be demented genius, or just a giant what the fuck, either/or.

90. Lil Wayne feat. Bruno Mars – Mirror
After hearing the guy talk about his mad pussy skills too many times to count, I’m more than ok with letting Lil Wayne do a Serious Track, even if it hits on Pop-Rap Serious Track cliches like atmospheric production and a Bruno Mars hook. “Mirror” isn’t especially polished lyrically; here like on “How to Love”, his desire to make A Point results in some heavyhanded lines, but he still manages a few insights (“Damn, I look just like my fuckin’ Dad”). Bruno’s hook matches the mood well, and “Mirror” comes out on top, even if it’s a little cloying.

96. Drake feat. Lil Wayne – HYFR (Hell Yeah Fucking Right)
How much Drake is on this damn list? Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but Take Care is  not an album that lends itself to this many singles. Anyway, I consider this redemption for “The Motto”; the production’s slick with a synth hypnotic hook, and Drake’s verse is a mix of great lines and one giant breath. He also reveals Take Care‘s thesis with: “What have I learned since getting richer? I learned working with the negative can make for better pictures”. As far as Lil Wayne features go, this one’s acceptable, but like most Drake/Wayne collabs, my interest in the song dwindles as soon as I hear Tunechi start.

 100. Drake feat. The Weeknd – Crew Love
This label’s taken spots from the Top Ten to the absolute last space on the board. I think it’s trolling me. Likewise, calling this a Drake track is trolling since The Weeknd makes this track. The first verse and the hook that he supplies is the real keeper from “Crew Love” (although Drake doesn’t slouch here), and the production makes for great headphone hip-hop. Although why the hell an album cut like this ended up on the chart is beyond me.

Oh thank fuck, it’s over! Hope you all enjoyed it! And don’t forget to like Ranting About Music on Facebook!

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